Essence of DOPE
Posts tagged Ethiopian
Voice of God
029 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
These are words echoed through the voice of God and I am blessed to have heard it from Simon whose very name means the voice of God::
by Teddy Fikre dated: Friday, April 20th, 2012
Simon:: In Hebrew, Simon literally means “He who hears the voice of God”. It has been said that the apostle Simon (Peter) was a slender person. He was of a middle size, and inclining to tallness, and that his complexion was brown (almost bronze).1 It has, also, been said that he had a short, thick, curled beard, and thin eyebrows. So firm was Simon’s faith that Jesus gave him the name of Cephas, meaning, in the Syriac language, a rock (Simon is the Greek translation of Cephas.) Now you know what Syria means—I just found out today while researching this article.
Now let me talk about another Simon that walks in the midst of the Ethiopian community more than 2,000 years after the passing of the original Simon. The Simon I am writing about today is Simon Gebrehiwot. This Simon is not a prophet of Jesus; he is a humble man who earns a humble living with his humility as his calling card and his connection to God. I have known Simon for a long time, he is the mechanic I go to when my Nissan Altimaye is in a bind and I need a quick fix. Simon has given me and my former fiancée all kinds of free services. Moreover, Simon makes me laugh—man he can give as well as he can take. When Simon and I debate and exchange “insults” based on friendships—which makes these insults more like hugs—he hugs me with friendship the same way that Gash Eabisa used to hug my father Fikre with “insults” formed on friendship 30 years ago in Addis.
Thus, writing this article is a way of me saying Tadias to Simon virtually the same way I say Tadias to him every morning at the Sunoco off Duke St where he works. I always go to Sunoco in the mornings blasting Kuku Sebsebe on Brown Condor Radio2. I get there and always without a fail Simon is there smiling and bantering with his customers. This is the way it should be, being a customer should make you feel like you are the king of the world even if you are about to be pissed off that you will need to pay mucho dinero to replace your transmission. That is Simon’s mission, to make each person to feel like King Midas even if they have to eat Ramen noodles because their mufflers have to be replaced. Speaking of Midas, why is it that our people continue to go to Midas of Jiffy Lube instead of going to our own mechanic’s and supporting our own? I talked about Ethiopia being colonized before so let me keep this article nesu and meto gena (100%) clean and keep it moving as I type these lyrics to the humble essence of this man named Simon.
Now let me take you back 6 years ago when Simon had a decision to make. Simon’s father is a renowned thinker in Ethiopia—he works at the United Nations, a doctor not because he says he is but because (more…)
Eko
144 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
I mean we are bonded by our language and kept in place with the beauty of each syllable we utter eko::
by Teddy Fikre written: Thursday, April 5th, 2012 eko::
I love our dialect eko:: Ere, I did it already, I revealed the intent and the content of this article aydel? Wey tata, eski let me see if I can include and induce a “Amharicism” in every sentence—yichalal? Ere enayalen! This will be quite a challenge beuent . I mean do you know how difficult it is to insert an “Amharicism” in every sentence—betam yadekemal eko: Gin that being z case, I shall press on besgyaber, and see if I can finish this article with an off the wall Amharic word in every sentence and see what I come up with in the end—enayalen aydel?
So why did I decide to write this particular article—lemindinew you ask? Well it is because while I was acting as Chef Teddy tenantena at Portico, I asked one of the servers what “Eko” meant. She laughed and said “alawkem”, ena I made her sak be sak even more as I said “I think it means Na’mean”. Beka kitchenuest letmot neber sak yezwat:: Then later on that night, after I concluded a blessed day, I go home and what do I find on my Facebook status but this Habesha chic stating the following:
“Teddy you sure do say “eko” a lot, you sure do mess it up though, I think you don’t even know what eko means, you are a tebtaba eko” so said Habesha Chic!
Ere gud fella eko, anche Habesha chic, endet belesh endet embarrass taderginyalesh eko? Ere do you know who I am, beka I am about to go King Kong Teddy on you eshi! MTS (Habesha 911) I forgot leka that King Kong Teddy motwal. Men laderk sewoch, I guess I shall just laugh it off and smile through my embas aydel? Gin on a serious note, I love our Qwankwa, I mean our language is rich and diverse, our spoken words were spoken words before the first spoken words were uttered by the most acclaimed poets. Forget Aristotle and Wordsworth, our words were and worth more words than a million Bezaworks although none can touch our Gold by the name of Bezawork Asfaw eko::
Let me give you another example of how this article was borne from the kilijoch of my Ethiopian lijoch gwadenyas:
Nunu Wako: Teddy Libe! I can’t wait to hug you for the change you have decided to make and not be the internet bully that you were for few months. what the heck is your number now adays gin?
Teddy: I am getting there Nefse.. 
I can actually take you tonight, I will be at 2622 Georgia Ave NW at this place called Listen Vision Radio from 7:30 – 9:00 …want to meet me there? Also my number is 202-367-6429…but not sure why you called me Gin…I mean is it because I drink too much eko::
Nunu: You have me cracking up.. {gin} means several things like every other Ethiopian words. Gin is not a name… it’s a word. In this sentence it means ‘anyway’.
See what I mean, yena qwankwa bezawork new aydel? I mean can you really laugh this way about one English word that can be twisted and taken out of context for the pure pleasure and ecstasy of laughing with a dear Gwadenya? Yichalal?
To be honest—beunet—I have a hard time grasping our qwanka because words are not just words. They are poems; each syntax has a different context. I mean burtoqan is orange unless you are talking about the love of your life. Tota means monkey unless you are playfully calling your best friend “yene tota”. Metaw new means I am on my way, unless you are thinking nasty in which case—ere tew tew Teddiye, eski keep this article clean eko::
I guess what I mean—emilew—is that our language is beautiful; it is beautiful like the morning dew dripping off a single blade of grass. Our language is betam konjo like the sweetest atmit with more mar than a million honey combs. Our language is spoken not only with the tongue, it is felt and tasted by the very same melas—each verb and noun drips with the sweetest juices dripping from the ripest shenkora. I don’t know if we speak our language as much as we give gursha to others with our poetic disposition—each proposition becoming a proposition to form friendships and enduring fiker with strangers who walk by us on lonely streets. There is no music or melody as sweet to my ear and my soul as looking up to see the eyes of a beautiful Ethiopian woman as she whispers a sweet hello on the frozen sidewalks of DC.
Even the word Tadias drips with irony and love. Tadias is hello and goodbye (ask Samuel Getachew about the second meaning eko). Ere you see that, ke gwadenya Samuel ga hulugize enesakalen be rashachewn qwankwa. This is the key to friendships that unlock the souls of our hearts aydel? I might never be able to grasp ye enate Ethiopia’s language gin every day I try—with each agonizing step—to walk backwards and cross the Atlantic to settle in the land of my forefathers and find my home in Bole. This is the fabric of my life—the stitches that keep my lib intact and let me interact with my fellow lijoch from Bole through this magical invention called the internet.
I know some will accuse me of being away from Ethiopia le selasa amet thus question and diminish my Ethiopianism. But they don’t understand; being Ethiopian is not where you are from it is what you are. An American oak zaf planted in Africa is still an American zaf irrespective if it has been 300 amet since that zaf left America. In the same vein, I am an Ethiopian oak zaf who has been away from Ethiopia for 30 amet gin I am Ethiopian and stand shoulder to shoulder with anyone and embrace my culture and history ke manemga in the world.
So I continue to walk this road back to Addis, along the way laughing with friends and tyring to forgive my enemies and always smiling through my embas. This is the stuff of our history and our culture, I am kept together by a million words that have billion meanings—each one giving meaning to my life eko:: So the next time you see me gin, mejemerya say Tadias, after that if you say a word that has multiple meanings—and trust me, all our words have multiple meanings—trust me I will take it out context eko and make you laugh in our process. Ere, this is the beauty of our qwanka aydel? I mean we are bonded by our language and kept in place with the beauty of each syllable we utter eko::
“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” ~Nelson Mandela
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Brown Condor Productions is an Ethiopian owned family entity that is trying hard to gain a wider following. Consequently, our monthly cost is burdensome. Thus we are turning to you, the reader, going forward to provide HEBRET to keep our services going. In order to minimize the clutter of web ads and keep this site nesu (clean) we are asking you to be a part of our family and to help us maintain our business. We recognize it is a tough time and we are all counting our dollars, but each dollar you contribute will go a long way. We have a thousand readers a day–if each reader contributes one dollar, we will soar higher than Huffingtonpost.com.
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[Here is my language of love—Ethiopia soon we will be on TOP of the World eko, BEUNET]
[click play to hear the language that delivered me to Selam eko]
FEATURE EVENTS
BROWN CONDOR Open Mic Poetry Night Honoring Bezawork Asfaw tonight at Bati (read below)
[click to RSVP as we honor our pearl Bezawork Asfaw at Bati Restaurant & Lounge on Thursday, April 5th at 9PM sharp]
This week, the theme is Bezawork Asfaw as we praise and celebrate her at Bati Lounge and Restaurant, located at 3815 S George Mason Dr, Falls Church, VA 22041. Starting at 9:00 PM EST on Wednesday April 5th, we will dedicate the whole 2 and a half hours to honoring the life and accomplishments of our pearl Bezawork.
[click to see our jewel Bezawork]
So come out this Thursday, March 29th to Bati Lounge and Restaurant and take part in honoring our Ethiopian icon and our Musika Nigist and in the process listen to the best of his songs, pictures of her from Ethiopia to America while you enjoy ARIF poetry, musika, a LIVE art show and of course the best food in the DMV only at Bati Lounge. Nu eshi, abren des’yelen eko::
[click to see pictures from last week's Brown Condor Open Mic Poetry night honoring Mahmoud Ahmed, make sure to come out to Bati Lounge every Thurdsay at 9:00 PM EST (not BOLE time eko) and enjoy poetry, musika, DOPE megeb, DOPE wine and DOPE company eshi]
[click to be a fan of Bezawork and "like" her page on Facebook eshi]
NATIONAL ESKISTA DAY II
[click to RSVP to National Eskista Day part II in DC]
The second coming of #NationalEskistaDay. First one was a FLOP because of eclectic habeshas with no electricity to spare…this one will be METO GENA Electric…miss it and you will the ONE shocked this time around eko::
FEATURE BUSINESSES
[click to see, hear, and soon tasted Bati]
[click to contact Phat Su, tweet him at @djphatsu or email him at djphatsu@hotmail.com]
AUTHOR
Teddy Fikre follow him on twitter @teddyfikre and @browncondor
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We would love to hear your comments/feedback. Also, share this on Facebook, tweet it on twitter, or print it and give it to your grandmother. If you would like to follow us on Twitter, you can do so @browncondor
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Ethiopian Porn
550 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
Are you ready to have your minds blow? This is the DOPEST Ethiopian Porn on the internet! What you see here will have you on cloud nine!
by Teddy “long dong” Fikre written: Friday, March 30th, 2012
Welcome welcome horny white dudes and dudettes, waddup waddup desperate black boys and girls, kuch belew kuch belew disgusting Habesha wendoch ena setoch:: I know, you came here expecting to look at some Ethiopian porn, potentially to look at an Ethiopian queen get screwed by a white asshole or drool over two Ethiopian queens having intercourse with one another while you grab your Neiva lotion and jack off in the bathroom. Am I right? Of course I am right, this is what the internet has wrought onto our society; we are now all Godless masturbaters caught in an incubator of hopeless sin and iniquity. We are now all pimps and whores who prostitute ourselves by means of Google while we throw our seeds into white socks and rub our G spots until we all come up with a genocidal plan to destroy the next generation of our children in between empty and stain ridden bed sheets.
Since you came here expecting explicit content, I will take the liberty to curse like a sailor and say shit like fuck and pussy since you clearly like that kind of shit right? Anyway, on to my dastardly plot to expose you bastards for the sick assholes you are. Parenthetically, I wonder if your wife knows you are in the bathroom “working on a proposal on your iMac” when really you are jerking your dick in the darkness. I wonder if your husband knows you are in the bedroom using a dildo while you told him you are in going to bed early to pray on the bible. My God this thing called humanity; we hide from shame while doing some of the most shameful things aydel. Right, a lot of people that are reading this are not Ethiopian so I shall make it a point to translate Amharic to English for these horny bastards going forward.
What I find very ironic is that it is the very same people who thump bibles and quotes verses and chapters about the abhorrent nature of gay sex or some other sin while the whole time they are the darkest forms of the devil themselves. I mean really, you want to preach about homosexuals and the depravity of gay marriage when you are out cheating on your wife with a hooker or masturbating in bathroom stalls in the process? You really want to preach about straight while your dirty ass is as crooked as Newt Gingrich. This is why I refuse to be a Republican, they are all assholes who preach the sermon of Satan while practicing the very same sins the inveigh against. All you have to do is Google names like Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Bob Allen, and Glen Murphy Jr.—to name but a few—and you will see Republicans are fifthly wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing who have a herd of cow-towing tea party racist assholes following them to Lucifer’s abode.
So it is with Lucifer’s abode in mind that I welcome you on board to the Brown Condor jet and let me take you around the globe and show you the copious assholes like you who preach out of two sides of your mouth and speak with two Goddamn forked tongues. Look down 2,000 feet below, you see the Blue Nile. This country is called Ethiopia, it was here while most of the world was still crawling around and scribbling in caves. In fact, while Europeans were calling caves home, we build a church in a cave in a place called Lalibela. Ethiopia is the birth of Christianity; Ethiopia is the resting place of the Ark of the Covenant. Prove it you say? What is it with you assholes with bibles; I thought faith is about having faith in those things which cannot be proven? I guess if you don’t believe me you can go on jerking off and believing that Jesus is white with long flowing hair even though Jesus was born in the Middle East where no white people resided and the folks there had skin the color of copper—right, just like Ethiopians do now.
Anyway, let me not get religious on you at this moment—let me disembark from my soapbox and embark on dismembering your members and membranes like I originally sought to accomplish. So what pleasure do you derive by jerking off on a daily basis? Does it help you forget how shitty the world is? Does it help you forget some tragic and traumatic experience when you were a child? Is it that you were molested as a child so now you molest yourself or another innocent child as payback? To be honest, as I am destroying you with my left hand with my right hand I am hugging you because I know the ravages that child abuse and molestation can bring onto children—I had a close friend who was a victim of it and to this day she is still haunted by it. I am not a counselor nor am I Doctor Phil—shit I have my own issues to deal with and let me not pretend that I have not stained the occasional white socks myself. I am castigating you and pointing out the splinter in your eyes knowing Goddamn well that I have a plank in my eyes which I am trying to pluck out. You see, this is the Christian thing to do, not to admonish people with morality but to rebuke your brothers and sisters while acknowledging your own flaws. I wish Rick Santorum (his last name means something disgusting) would apply and then maybe I might vote for him.
Anyway, I am not going to spend the whole day on this topic. I have accomplished my purpose; you now know that you are a masturbating asshole and that I too am an asshole. I am not against the occasional jerk off from a random jerk off, but if this shit is consuming your life and you live and die for pornography, please get help because in time what is done in darkened bathrooms will be exposed in bright lit kitchen tables—and then your ass will really be fucked more than Janet Jackme when your wife leaves with half or your husband runs off with the secretary. I am telling you people, this is the 21st century—a time of UNpatriotic Acts—who knows right at this moment the CIA and FBI might be watching you jerk off while jerking off themselves as they kill innocent children in Afghanistan. I told you the world is full of assholes, from Bin Laden to Bob Allen from Karbul to Kansas the globe is populated with masturbating assholes.
But I know one place that you will not visit to masturbate and defecate on. This place is the country of my birth, my enat (mother) named Ethiopia. You can travel the world over but you will have to get through me to touch her legs let alone look at her magnificent body. While assholes like Starbucks are raping Ethiopia and Africa for our resources, we hold our heads high and refuse to let you touch our women. Have our coffee and our bananas because we don’t believe in HEBRET (unity) but all of us stand up with the might of Adwa to defend our women from foreign assholes. Now you can finally stop complaining “why don’t Ethiopian women talk to us, it is because they know you want to rape them and see them only as Ethiopian porn.
The sad thing is that out of all the thousands of articles I have written, I guarantee you that this will be one that gets the most hits going forward, it will appear on the top list of all my article all caused by horny fucks Googling “Ethiopian Porn—sigh, humanity sucks balls! Anyway, go on now to another website, you will not find Janet Jackme or Queen Dildo here, the only queen you will find is one by the name of Mariam (Mary), Tigist (patience), Emnet (belief), Meron (blessing), Tsegereda (red rose), Selamawit (peace), Munit, Wayna, Etsudbenk (true light) and hundreds of other beautiful names who signify and stand as a testimony to the blessings that God has bestowed onto us.
Enough assholes, I am done with you, now go wash off your hands, hide the stained socks, put away the dildo in the cutout that you have in that bible and go seek some help. You might find pornography in thousands of other pages on Google, but I bet you in a million years you will never be able to Google “Ethiopian porn” and find anything besides this article. Peace!
“A widespread taste for pornography means that nature is alerting us to some threat of extinction.” ~J. G. Ballard
[despite my harsh words, if you made it this far, I apologize, I get upset at the world when I should hug you instead. Remember ALWAYS, you are fucking perfect]
[if you have been a victim of child abuse, please seek help, the pain will never go away but it might diminish, please click picture above for help]
FEATURE EVENT
[click to RSVP as we honor Bezawork Asfaw at Bati Restaurant & Lounge on Thursday, April 5th at 9PM sharp]
This week, the theme is Bezawork Asfaw as we praise and celebrate her at Bati Lounge and Restaurant, located at 3815 S George Mason Dr, Falls Church, VA 22041. Starting at 9:00 PM EST on Wednesday March 21st, we will dedicate the whole 2 and a half hours to honoring the life and accomplishments of Bezawork.
[click to see Bezawork (lots of Gold) Asfaw]
So come out this Thursday, March 29th to Bati Lounge and Restaurant and take part in honoring our Ethiopian icon and our Musika Nigist and in the process listen to the best of his songs, pictures of her from Ethiopia to America while you enjoy ARIF poetry, musika, a LIVE art show and of course the best food in the DMV only at Bati Lounge. Nu eshi, abren des’yelen eko::
FEATURE BUSINESS
[click to see, hear, and soon tasted Bati]
AUTHOR
Teddy Fikre follow him on twitter @teddyfikre and @browncondor
[click to view profile]
[click pic to follow us on twitter or follow us @browncondor]
We would love to hear your comments/feedback. Also, share this on Facebook, tweet it on twitter, or print it and give it to your grandmother. If you would like to follow us on Twitter, you can do so @browncondor
To get in touch with us, send email to info@browncondor.com
A Two Cent Shermuta Named MK_47
196 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
EDITORS REVISION:
After further consideration, and due to MK Jacobs foul mouth and her inability to thank the Brown Condor staff and family for shouting her out, we here at BC have decided to downgrade MK from a dime piece to a two cent lesbian dike slut status. This is what happens when someone we applaud decides to bite the hands of the founder of Brown Condor gursha giver. Enjoy MK Jacobs, this gursha laced with arsenic mitmita is for you boo boo, hope you fucking choke on it like the way you choke on d*cks!
PS disregard the accolades and tweet MK at @Mk_forty7 and tell her she is not worth a bag of qwanta let alone BC’s time and attention:: Now others will know not to talk shit about the Brown Condor staff aydel::
I can go on for days writing words across the sky connecting dots with each star in the heavens, even then I could not really capture the true essence of the cocob I see in her eyes.
by Teddy Fikre written: Monday, February 13th, 2012
It’s time for me to shine my spotlight on yet another DOPE model citizen. This one, her name is Meron Kassahun, better known as MK_47. This lady is a lady of rage, she is a citizen of Atlantis and I am just a fish just floating by blowing bubbles in her universe. I swear meto gena this big foreheadiye is so amazing that Luther Vandross was reduced to silence when looking into her eyes. I swear this amazing woman of Ethiopia has somehow levitated my mind and induced me into believing that Whitney Houston is still living and breathing through her lungs. I mean look at her eyes, look at her lips, look at her nose, she is the personification of serendipity and in her iris I see hope and change that Obama could never comprehend.
Alas, if you think I am about to reduce Meron into a mere sexual object and reduce her to an idol of my mind, you have it wrong. Nah, this lady is too DOPE for me to ever mention her next to the likes of Nikki Minaj or the next Jet beauty of the week. Nah, this fierce woman is more in the mold of Assata and Bsheba, she is highly educated, highly motivated, and above all—she is highly aware of her essence. She is blessed by family and blessed by friends who love her dearly. Shit, why do you think I am writing about her—if she was just some random chic of the street trust me I would not bleed my pen dry of her ink to waste my verbs and nouns on a regular lady. This woman is irregular; she is like the sweetest gursha dashed with the hottest mitmita. I swear, I don’t think that my words could ever do justice for the essence of this Ethiopian Nigist.
You know what, let me take another tactic. Let me get poetic with it, let me take license and drive my point across your collective big foreheads as though I was an Ethiopian Amiche truck. Get ready, beep beep, I am about to back it on up and rev this poetry shit up.
Meron Kassahun
You are DOPE to be honest
You are more DOPER than most
You are a blessed lady
You are an epiphany
You are the night’s blessing
You are the day’s caressing
I could sing this song to you
I could hymn epic melodies
To capture your soul
To lasso your beauty
But that is useless
You have me careless
You have me hopeless
You have me doing eskista
You have me doing Guraginya
Understand this miss
Because of you and your heart
You have me levitating to the moon
And arriving back in Jupiter
Let me pluck a ring from Saturn
And place it on your fingers
A diamond from Andromeda
Even then it won’t capture your aura
I tried to state my case
Now you have me tried
You have me tied in fits
I am indicted by your beauty
I am locked up in your cell
Imprisoned by you my bell
Throw away the keys
I am done
I am gone
I am in the DOC
I am in Jail
You have me in hell
Lift me from confinement
By saying I can be your confidant
Alright, I am done stating my case. I can go on for days and days writing words across the sky and connecting dots with each star in the heavens and even then I could not really capture the true essence of the cocob I see in her eyes. Thank you Meron MK_47 for letting me write about you. I know one thing, you are not really an AK_47, you are more like a sniper, this morning when I saw you, you snipped me in my own big foreheadiye and have me bleeding in dark lit corners paying homage to thee:: Stay blessed and be blessed, always remember that you are the daughter of the mighty above. Peace and Selam yene big foreheadiye.
“A woman tells her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’ The doctor says, ‘It’s old age.’ The woman says, ‘I want a second opinion.’ The doctor says: ‘Okay – you’re ugly as well.’” -Tommy Cooper
[click to see just how ugly Meron is]
[click to see Meron Kassahun and follow her on twitter @MK_47]
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Author
Teddy Fikre
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[click to follow us on twitter or follow us @browncondor]
We would love to hear your comments/feedback. Also, share this on Facebook, tweet it on twitter, or print it and give it to your grandmother. If you would like to follow us on Twitter, you can do so @browncondor
To get in touch with us, send email to info@browncondor.com
Church of Tewodaj Teddy Fikre
0111 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
Nope, I won’t ask you for 10%, I will not ask you to stand and sit 45 times, and most definitely will not insist that you convert to Teddism at the of my sermon.
by Teddy Fikre written: Sunday, January 29th, 2012
Welcome family to a new church called Tewodaj Teddy Fikre. By no means am I the priest, pastor, or Abba. I am just a deeply flawed man who is seeking in Him guidance and forgiveness. I will not wear false pretenses nor will I wear a purple robe in the guise of the King of Kings. I will most definitely not wear a crown or make people bow down to me and kiss my ring. I will be like the rest of the flock, I shall not stand on a pulpit and preach at my audience. I will simply sit in a circle with the rest of the sinners and read from the bible together and find in the pages the essence of love and patience.
To be honest, I have tried to go to church multiple times in my life. When I was in the midst of my deepest depression, I went to church often pleading with God to save me from misery and anguish. I had countless sessions with multiple preachers, pastors, and Abba. I am not being judgmental, their words and counsel prevented me from committing the ultimate sin that I used to think about often. I owe these men my life because they gave me the will and the hope to believe that tomorrow would be better than my present state of melancholy. The seeds they planted in my head were the very seeds that gave me the courage to keep on living. And it was an Ethiopian pastor that gave my father the peace he sought his whole life right before he passed away from cancer. Thus, I am a man who is a product and a byproduct of copious churches.
No matter this debt I owe Ethiopian and African-American churches, I could never shake from my conscience the essence of what the churches stood for. I revolted on countless occasions at the thought of giving 10% to churches knowing that some of that birr would go towards the pastor’s Mercedes Benz monthly payment. I hated the fact that folk would go to church dressed up in their finest outfit even as I saw them struggling to keep up with the rent. I could not suppress the injustice I felt deep in my bones each time I heard a pastor beseeching his flock to give to the church instead of paying the electric bill—give the church money and the electric bill would be taken care by God. Believe absolutely and never question the church, bend to their will or be blamed for insolence. I just could not take it, whatever good the sermon did for my soul, each time I would walk out of church upset by the ongoing con game that was being played by good Christians on helpless victims
I am not really sure if the church has played a good or a bad role in Ethiopia and within the African-American community. During slavery, the church was both a source of hope and bondage. Preachers would tell slaves to be good brothers and sisters, to keep on picking cotton and to make sure to give 10% to the slave pastors. They would tell their flock to work hard and that their reward would be given to them ten fold in heaven where they would drink honey and milk with Jesus. Thus, the church was just as instrumental in oppressing black liberty as any overseer and white master was. Black folk were taught to be timid and to never rise up to overthrow their shackles. They were taught instead to step and fetch it—and to always give 10%.
The same phenomenon is evident in Ethiopia. I am not sure what the churches are to be honest, they resemble gangs more than they resemble houses of worship. Ethiopian churches have become Starbucks, they pop up every minute on every block, each one breaking off from the prior to start up their own church. In DC alone, there are more than 10 Ethiopian churches that I can think of from the top of my head. They bicker and fight, always seeking to glorify themselves first before glorifying God. This is what churches are, glorification of mankind instead of glorifying HIM. Always they keep fracturing, always they are full of politics and rarely do I see them cooperating with each other. Sorry, but I don’t need this bullshit, if I wanted to see a street fight between Christians, I don’t need to go to Church, I will just go to a DC club where Habesha folk worship Yohannes Aramaji and see all the fighting I want to see while sipping on tsebel of Hennessy. Yeah I know, I will have to tip the bartender 10%—but at least the bar tender is not claiming to be a preacher, pastor, or an Abba.
It is with this in mind that I am starting a new church. This DOPE church will be called Tewodaj Teddy Fikre. Nope, I won’t ask you for 10%, I will not ask you to stand and sit 45 times, and most definitely will not insist that you convert to Teddism at the of my sermon. In fact, there will not be sermons, just like minded folk who will pray and seek humility before God together. And trust me, the church will not be some fancy luxury church like the one you see above, it will probably be a buna bet in DC. I will not judge anyone, you do not have to come dressed in your fancies clothes, and if you tell me that your electricity is about to be cut off, it will be me that will give you my last dollar instead of telling you to give me your last dollar and wait on Him to solve your problems. This is the essence of Tewodaj Teddy Fikre church, I will start the fist service next Sunday on 9th St in DC around 10:00. Who wants to join this church—don’t worry, I won’t ask you for 10%.
“Every church is a stone on the grave of a god-man: it does not want him to rise up again under any circumstances.”~Friedrich Nietzsche
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MUSE
Carl “PincGator” Henderson follow him on twitter @pincgator
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Author
Teddy Fikre
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