Posts tagged Ethiopia

ere Mela

61 days

by teddyfikre in Uncategorized

I want a day where Mahmoud is celebrated on the stage of the whole world like Michael Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Ella Fitzgerald, Marvin Gay and Etta James::

by Teddy Fikre written: Sunday, March 18th, 2012

This is my story of how I met my Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Ella Fitzgerald, Marvin Gay and Etta James all wrapped in one entity. This person I am referring to is the King of Ethiopian musika, a person who is so iconic that he has stood the test of time while others have come and gone. This man is a legend in his own time, a giant who dwarfs every aspect of Ethiopian culture even while displaying such humility that it is hard to decipher who is the fan and who is the star whenever you see this man talking to his fan base. This man I am referring to is of course none other than Mahmoud Ahmed himself. There is no man so worthy of accolades and awards—a man befitting of a King—who nonetheless acts like a common person. Whenever I am at my most bitter moments, whenever I inveigh at the indifference of our people, it is Mahmoud Ahmed I turn to and realize that life is too short to be worried about nettlesome things and instead learn to embrace the common light of hope that resides in all of us.

My story of Mahmoud dates back to Ethiopia when I was but 7 years old in Bole. It is there that I first learned about Ethiopian musika, about the love and light that is the Ethiopian culture and our heritage. Nothing in our custom personifies our culture more than our music. Our music is our collective conscience, it is our rock of Gibraltar, it is our history book where oral lessons are passed down to us from generation to generation accompanied by nothing more than a Kirar or a keyboard. In our music you can hear Adwa, in our music you can hear liberation, in our music you can find Tizita, in our music you can find hope and love, in our music you can find the very voice of God through our mezmure. There is nothing so captivating as Ethiopian music, I realized that when I went through my worst times when I questioned the very point of living, it is Ethiopian music that gave me a reason and a season to exist. This is why I love Ethiopian music so much, it is engrained in my DNA along with the same genes as that passed down to me by my great great great Grandfather who went by the name of Atse Tewodrose. Thus my affinity for Mahmoud goes beyond one man, Mahmoud is the symbol and essence of my connection to enat Ethiopia.

But let me first be up front, Mahmoud for all his greatness was not my first personification of my love of Ethiopian musika. Only one person claims that title, and that is a woman by the name of Kuku Sebsebe. When people used to ask me who I wanted to marry without a pause or reticence I would reply forcefully Kuku Sebsebe! At the age of 7–before I knew what love was other than the love that my mother and father provided me—i loved Kuku with all my heart and I was convinced that I would soon enough marry her. But time is a potion that makes one forget about love as we grow disconnected from our first love with each tic of the second. But to this day, I still listen to Kuku on a daily basis as my synapses are transported back to Ethiopia.

OK, now that I have gotten the disclaimer out of the way, let me refocus my attention on Mahmoud Ahmed—the man who to this day takes me back to Bole. I won’t bore you with the details of how much I love listening to him, let’s just say that not a week passes that I don’t listen to Mahmoud and Kuku at least 20 times as I have literally burned out various CDs from playing it over and over again. There is something about Ethiopian musika—especially that of Mahmoud, Kuku, Tilahun, Muluken, and Teddy Afro—that is timeless and endless. I am shocked when I find an R&B or Hip Hop record where I could let it ride without skipping and instantly label it—with much fanfare and hype—as an instant classic. In Ethiopia though, this is hard to hype our musika, most of our songs and records are instant and endless classics.

Thus let me transport you from 1981 in Ethiopia when i was a child to 2008 in DC when I walked the streets of DC and Alexandria as an Ethiopian jegna trying to organize my community to vote for Obama under the auspices of Ethiopians for Obama. This was my first time really reconnecting with my own community for I grew up in Woodbridge disconnected from my own culture. Thus, when I dove head first into the Ethiopian community in 2008, I did so without knowing the ins and outs of our culture and without being able to speak Amharic. Imagine that, me begging Ethiopians to register with yetesebere Amharic—it must have been a hoot really being the person I was talking to when every other was English connected with the word “ena”. But I fought through this barrier and Mike Endale, Emebet and I—along with thousands of Ethiopians—were a part of history and took part in a magical moment of HOPE and CHANGE.

It was during this moment that I ran into Mahmoud at Reynold’s restaurant off Duke St in Alexandria. It is one thing to meet him at Bati Restaurant where it would not be so unexpected, but to meet him for the first time at an American establishment without being prepared to meet my version of Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Ella Fitzgerald, Marvin Gay and Etta James was mind boggling and awe inspiring. I was more shock and awed than General Schwarzkopf invading Iraq in 1991. I did not know how to approach him and my nimble tongue froze in place and cleaved to the roof of my mouth at the sigh of seeing Mahmoud Ahmed. I went outside and collected myself, I said to myself “Teddiye, please don’t make an ass out of yourself, he is a star and most likely he will blow you off and tell you to get lost in a subtle way”. After I warned myself of this coming dust off, I straightened my back stiff ready to meet a stiff resistance and approached Mahmoud to tell him about Ethiopians for Obama.

I approached Mahmoud’s table with timidity and no temerity, I might as well have been 7 years old trying to ask Kuku Sebsebe to marry me. I went up to him—filled with anxiety—and asked him a simple question:

“Gash Mahmoud, can I talk to you for one minute?” I asked.

“Yene Geta, ere menim aydelem, quch bel kenaga” Mahmoud replies.

Damn that was swift, I just got dissed and dismissed by Mahmoud, I think he just said something very dismissive. My heart shot out with an AK47 and bled dry by indifference, I was ready to walk out as if I just got attacked by a drone from a Mossad agent. But wait, hold on Teddisho, I had to tell myself. I put on my thinking cap to translate Mahmoud’s Amharic to my English. Let’s see, “Yene Geta” means “my lord” and “quch bel kanaga” means “sit down with us”.

Hot damn! I was just called “my lord” by my King Mahmoud, I was invited to sit at the table of a King, a pauper like me walking the streets of DC and Alexandria all the sudden gets invited to dine with the King of Kings. Talk about my synapses being snapped, I was broken in two and rebuilt by the loving words of a loving man. And to think, all the words I had hear him sing about “Tizita” and “Mela” yet the simplest words “Quch bel” lifted my spirits and gave me hope more than Obama could have ever given me.

I sat down with Mahmoud and his friends still in shock and awe, so Mahmoud asks me where I am from. I told him Bole and he proceeds to educate me about Bole and the neighborhood I grew up in with the loving guidance that no Ferenji ever gave me while bending my fingers between a pencil for daring to speak out of place in Lycee. In that instance, Mahmoud became my father who I lost 7 years prior, in his eyes I saw the glean of Fikemariam Million and his smile I saw my father smiling from heaven. I can’t really explain the transformation I was going through, all I could tell you is that—for a moment—the pain of losing my father to cancer was replaced by the remedy of Mahmoud’s words.

I almost forgot the purpose of my approach, lost in the moment and the melodies coming from Mahmoud’s voice, for 2 hours I was wayward and forgot all about Obama. But then it hit me, the reason I had decided to take a chance and say Hi to the icon of Ethiopia was so that I could get him to be a part of Ethiopians for Obama. It was then that I went all meto gena back to business and forgot about my timidity—helped out of course by the kindness of Mahmoud—and told him what I was up to. Without a pause he told me he would do whatever I wanted and told me all I had to do was get in touch with him and gave me his number. I can’t believe to this day that Mahmoud Ahmed—THE Mahmoud—gave a pauper like me the keys to his kingdom.

It was at that time I reverted back from an Obama soldier to a Mahmoud fan and I asked him to sign a picture and a book for me. He said “yene geta, yetefelgew neger esetehalew”. This must be a dream, I mean could you imagine Whitney or Michael Jackson saying this to a regular fan off the street? At that permission, I raced to my car and raced even harder to my house to print out a color photo of Mahmoud from Google image and raced back over thinking he had left. But to my surprise, Mahmoud—a man of his words—sat there waiting for me to return. He autographed my printed out photo and even more, kissed my hand and said I was a good man. A King kissing the hand of a layman, hey man, not even the DOPEST fiction writer in the world could conjure up a plot twist like this. This plot twist had me twisted meto gena over and over again, I could not wrap my head around that Mahmoud—our King—displayed such affinity and affection for his biggest fan and left me thinking for the moment that it was I that was the star and he the fan. I was on some twilight zone tip and yet there he was sitting and talking to me to let me know that his kindness was not some fantasy or chimera—his authenticity was real and my shock and awe was even realer.

Flash forward to 2009, Obama gets elected, HOPE and CHANGE is now status quo, people who were excited to be a part of a movement are now back to the humdrum of normal life. By now, Ethiopians for Obama is a forgotten thought as all the organizers go back to normal life and trying to make a living. Teddy Fikre is now squarely back in anonymity where I belong and most of the people I registered in 2008 remembered me as much as they remembered the last good deed that was done for them. That is the plight of humanity, we remember the bad while harkening back to our childhood but quickly forget the best moments of our lives that might have happened just yesterday. Then one day I went to a Nationals baseball game by myself after my date cancelled on me at the last minute (wow this is a repeating theme in my life leka). As I was sitting there watching America’s past-time, I looked up and the Nationals Baseball park was filled with a sea of Red in homage of the Redsox. All the sudden I had an idea, what if instead of the Red for the Redsox, it was filled with Arengwade, Bicha, Qen in honor of Ethiopians? This is crazy I thought then shook it off and enjoyed the game and went home to sleep. I woke up and magically, the thought of Ethiopian Appreciation Day was still in my head.

Thus I decided to send an email to the Nationals so I could get this crazy idea out of my head. That was that, I would have no more thoughts of this crazy plan, I sent the Nationals a detailed 10 page business proposal and thought for sure that it would find it’s way into the spam box. But, magically, in just two days, the Nationals marketing and community outreach presidents responded and wanted to meet me as soon as possible. The story from there gets crazier and crazier, but let’s just say what started off as a crazy idea became a concrete plan—maybe we should stop calling people “ibd” all the time and being judgmental because those “ibd” people could be the key to our collective fortune. The wheel is set in motion, all I have to do now is deliver.

I worked for the next 4 months none stop to make Ethiopian Appreciation Day turn from my figment to a real thing. I won’t go through all the details, but with the help and financing of my sisters Rahel Fikre and Mariam Fikre and the support of about 4 other people, Ethiopian Appreciation Day was born. The only thing missing was a headline star and for that I had no hesitation, I would turn to Mahmoud. I had his number but I was again intimidated to call and ask a man like Mahmoud to do a performance for free. I mean, this man is the King of Ethiopian music, it’s like asking Stevie Wonder to sing for free without any compensation.

As fate would have it, I run into Mahmoud once again—it’s like God, whenever I need a voice of tranquility, delivers Mahmoud to me over and endegena again. I did not want to ask Mahmoud to do something so momentous without giving him the courtesy of at least a dinner and a formal business setting, so I asked him if I could take him out to dinner to pitch him the idea. Sure enough he says yes and we venture over to Maeza Restaurant to talk business. Accompanied by a diamond named Almaz, Mahmoud meets me and my friend for dinner. I can’t explain to you how it felt to be breaking bread with a legend and sharing wine with a King and Queen. I am sure this is what the 12 disciples felt like during the last dinner—calm down, I am not comparing Mahmoud to Jesus nor am I comparing myself to the prophets. But, in all honesty, that is how I felt at that exact moment.

Now what I am about to tell you next goes from surreal into the sublime. Forget fiction writers, man I don’t think 45 weed heads confined in a room for 6 hours could come up with a plot line as sublime as this. You see, at one time, I needed a cig (yeah I know bat habit) and I decided to head to the store. Mahmoud said he would accompany me, imagine that, Mahmoud in my car and I did not have a chauffeur hat on and he was not sitting in the back seat. At some point, I decided to let Mahmoud hear one of my favorite CDs, a compilation of DOPE singers and rappers on a label called Kafa Beanz featuring some of the DOPEST talents like Wayna (Grammy nominated singer), Ellias Fullmore, Gabriel Teodros and the rest of the crew. I have listened to this CD at least one thousand times since 2008 when my brother from another mother—a byproduct of a fierce Ethiopian jegna lady and a fierce black panther soldier—by the name of Ellias Fullmore gave me the CD for free. You see, Ellias gets it, sometimes in order to promote and market yourself, you have to give away your product (like a CD) for free and in return reap the benefits of a new universe of listeners.

I was flipping through the various songs when all the sudden track 9 came on and he told me to stop. He said “the music they are using is my music” and instead of getting angry, he just turned it up and started to sing. I said that right, Mahmoud was singing in my car, I was having my own personal concert. Do you see the nexus, in Ethiopia I used to listen to Mahmoud with my dad as the driver. 27 years later, I replaced my father as the driver and there in the passenger seat—where I used to sit as a little boy—sat a King singing songs to me that my father used to sing along to.

Again, this is sublime, writing this at this very exact moment I have to fight back tears as I am at once flooded with emotions of missing home and missing my father and yet at the same time being transported back home and embracing the sound of music that was funneling though the vocal chords that only God could have created and blessed Mahmoud with. I have no idea yet what it feels like to have a child and witness her birth nor do I know what it feels like to say I do and kiss the one that you love at an alter, so it is with that I say that moment in my Altima was the best memory of my life. Yes Obama was historical when he said Yes We Can, but he said it to billions of people, Mahmoud sang Tizita to me and he sang it only to me. This is a moment I will cherish for the rest of my life, only to be knocked down to the third best time of my life after I have a daughter and a wife.

Ethiopian Appreciation Day had many flaws, it broke my back financially and in the process I bled my two sisters and took their babies’ milk money in the process. But for me and my sisters—irrespective of the financial burden—it was a beautiful sight. Mahmoud ended up agreeing to sing for free; even though he had a wedding to sing at in Seattle that same weekend. He booked a later flight and opened up the show that he was headlining only to rush to National Airport (as God is my witness I will never call National Airport Reagan) and flew all night across the continent. But for a fleeting moment I saw Mahmoud where he belongs, singing at the multi-billion dollar Nationals Baseball Park instead of restaurants and conventional convention halls. Three hundred people came out to see a concert headlined by Mahmoud and took part in an event that was proclaimed as a holiday by Mayor Fenty and the DC Council. This event recognized Ethiopian-Americans and highlight Ethiopian culture to the greater community and in the process gave 300 people great music by the best of Ethiopian and American Artists, the best of Ethiopian food and even had moon bounce for our youngest audience.

You see, the reason I do what I do—even if some think it is for the glory—is really to glorify our culture and have Ethiopian customs accepted by a wider audience. We have an amazing history that is documented mostly through recollections and music induced thoughts. What I hunger to do at the sake of not sleeping it to ensure that our history is written by us and not by foreigners. I thirst to have our culture celebrated by billions of people the way that Obama was applauded by the world, and when we say “Yichalal” people will understand that we are saying “Yes We Can” in Amharic.

I want our musicians like Mahmoud, Teddy Afro, Kuku Sebsebe, Yehune (who also performed for free at Ethiopian-Appreciation Day because he too is a humble giant) and Wayna to sing at the White House and I can envision a day where we don’t celebrate when Wayna is nominated for a Grammy but rightly be proud that tens of our musicians win Grammies and various awards. I want a day where Vahe Tilbian is a household name that Ethiopian children can listen to and hold their heads up with pride. I want a day where Selam Seyoum plays at packed venues like the Pavilion center. I mention Selam (what a great name) because Selam has been in this business for 40 years, the article of this title Ere Mela; his discography includes Ere Mela and his band—Ibex Band—is the very same band who did the song Ere Mela with Mahmoud back in 1974—the year I was bor!. You see, this whole thing is too sublime to really conceptualize isn’t it?

I can see over the bend a day where Teddy Fikremariam (no not me but the owner of Bati Restaurant) opens up a chain of Restaurants across America and in the process becomes the next Chipotle of the Ethiopian community. I want a day where Mahmoud is celebrated on the national stage of the whole world like Michael Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Ella Fitzgerald, Marvin Gay and Etta James were except this will happen while Mahmoud and I are still living. Call this my Dream, except unlike Martin Luther King, I promise I will get to this promise land with my people. So while I am over here listening to Ere Mela over and over again while writing this article, it is my intent and plan—no matter how much I am mocked in the process—to have my people say “Ere” no more and instead have my people say “elelelelele” while watching Mahmoud Ahmed sing the National Anthem at the Superbowl! Is my dream possible? Sure I will get sidetracked by those who don’t understand my deepest desire and my devotion to my goal, but as God is my witness I will not rest until I—and the rest of my people—can say with the pride of Adwa; Ere Yichalal!

“Humility and knowledge in poor clothes excel pride and ignorance in costly attire.” ~William Penn

[click to hear and see Mahmoud performing Ere Mela Mela]

[click to see my Tizita of Kuku Sebsebe in Bole, I miss both equally]

FEATURE EVENT

[click to RSVP to Brown Condor Open Mic Poetry night]

This week, the Special Guest of Honor is Mahmoud Ahmed at Bati Lounge and Restaurant, located at 3815 S George Mason Dr, Falls Church, VA 22041. Starting at 9:00 PM EST on Wednesday March 21st, we will dedicate the whole 2 and a half hours to honoring the life and accomplishments of Mahmoud Ahmed. You better believe the next time I honor Mahmoud Ahmed it will be at the Kennedy Center or the White House. But for now, having learned a lesson from Mahmoud, I will humbly honor him the way that I can at this moment.

So come out this Wednesday, March 21s to Bati Lounge and Restaurant and take part in honoring our Ethiopian icon and our Musika Nigus Jegna and in the process listen to the best of his songs, pictures of him from Ethiopia to America while you enjoy ARIF poetry, musika, a LIVE art show and of course the best food in the DMV only at Bati Lounge. Nu eshi, abren des’yelen eko::

09.25.09 in pictures

[click to see 1st set of pictures]

[click to see 2nd set of pictures]

[click to see 1st set of pictures]

FEATURE BUSINESSES
[click to see and almost taste and hear Bati, the DOPE Ethiopian restaurant where I finished this article]

[click to see Cameron Cafe, an Ethiopian owned buna off Duke St in Alexandria bet where I wrote half of this article]

FEATURE ZEFANOCH

Mahmoud Ahmed

[click to view fanpage]

Kuku (yene) Sebsebe

[click to view fanpage]

AUTHOR

Teddy Fikre

[click to view profile]

[click pic to follow us on twitter or follow us @browncondor]

We would love to hear your comments/feedback. Also, share this on Facebook, tweet it on twitter, or print it and give it to your grandmother. If you would like to follow us on Twitter, you can do so @browncondor

To get in touch with us, send email to info@browncondor.com

Habesha Mailbag 8.0

63 days

by teddyfikre in Uncategorized

Habesha Mailbag 8.0 Motto of the day:: Meaning of Hebret -> “dir beyaber ambessa yaser!” 1,000 spiders can tie up a lion, I just need 999 more, will you be my second?

by Teddy Fikre written: Saturday, March 17th, 2012

Yikirta yikirta everyone for being one day late with Habesha Mailbag. You see, there was a particular #VisionlessPoet who burned up my core Thursday morning and for the last 48 hours I have been distracted from being positive and instead been swimming in toxic ooze of anger. But, progress had been made, I will tell you about it shortly. So I am back to smiling and keeping it meto gena positive. Now before I go on to the Mailbag, let me tell you a quick story.
So yesterday I was talking to my fraternity brother outside of work. We were talking about life, the state of the fraternity, the state of black America (like worthless men who claim they are all about their community yet don’t take care of their own kids). It was a beautiful conversation on a beautiful day and I was venting my frustrations with him and in the process feeling release from the anger that I hold inside of me. It seemed like I had found Dr. Phil and he was all the while consoling me to let go of the anger and don’t pay attention to the bullshit people throw my way.

We did this as I was smoking a cig and my throat was feeling the effects of copious drags from Marlboro lights. So at one point I turn my head and spit conspicuously so that no one would see. All the sudden, out of now where emerges a lady from dark lit shadows. She starts off with a compliment “you two guys are handsome”…

Oh wow, a compliment, maybe Dr. Phil aka my coworker was right, maybe if I think positive I would attract positive people…then she finished her compliment with mitmita laced arsenic aimed at my forehead wrapped in heavy accent…
“…but you my brother, what you just did was disgusting and vile, you spitting like that shows you have no culture!”

Then she walked off with the nastiest look of scorn on her face. There….it happened, in one instant I was about to revert back to my King Kong ways. Why the f*ck did you just come at me b*tch from out the blue and interrupt my conversation with my fraternity brother that is trying to uphold me. But…to my amazement, I laughed it off and let it go as I saw this foreigner walk away into the post office. We went back to the conversation and he says to me

“damn Que, what the f*ck was that…I understand now why you go ape shit on people, that was totally uncalled for and unnecessary”

But I laughed it off and went away smoking and talking and kept on spitting in spite of her. But I bid my time, for this lady with her mitmita laced arsenic accent would soon enough have to come back from the US Post office.

Sure enough, she saunters back out and I told her

“excuse me, I am sorry I offended you, I have a cold that is why I spit like I did, but you are right, spitting is not cultured, I will try to be more discreet next time and maybe potentially stop smoking cigs so that I do not torture my throat to have a revolt and spit out some spit”

She says “No problem, have a great day”…

Ummm…no problem…with that accent…ende…no problem = Chiger Yelem…oh shit…ende…this lady is Ethiopian!!! So I say:

“Yikirta are you Ethiopian” and she replies “yes I am, are you?”

I said I was, she said selam but never took back the mitmita spit that she spit at my chinkila. But I learned a DOPE lesson; people will always attack you for no reason whether it is because you spit akata, DOPE articles, poetry at Brown Condor open mic night, or controversial topics on www.browncondor.com. Like Obama and Jay-Z said, the key is to shake that dirt of your shoulders and keep on moving meto gena and in your own way smile at them knowing that the smile is really a middle finger telling them to FUCK OFF!

So I will apply this lesson from now on, when trolls ass fucks come at me and spit their bullshit words, I will just smile at them and say “Esger Yestelen” and bless them and ask God to forgive me for really instead of blessing them, I really just gave them a middle finger and told them to FUCK OFF!

OK now on to Habesha Mailbag aydel. But first before I proceed, let me give homage to Bill Simmons, the DOPE journalist who I Somali hijacked this idea from. Speaking of Somali hijacking, let me Somali hijack my own shit and copy and paste something real fast… TQE <<- TQE = BRB = Tinish Qoyiche Emetalew

Bill Simmons is the reason I started Habesha Mailbag, to be honest, I am taking the whole format from Bill, I guess you can say that I Somali Pirate hijacked his style, but hey, if you think that Bill did not Somali Hijack someone else’s style, just keep in mind that his webpage is called www.grantland.com and Grant was the name of a famous Sports reporter from Boston, so you see, all things come full circle and piracy after all is not such a bad thing—as long as you acknowledge who you pirated from and in return pave the way for a future Sports Guy or Brown Condor. Damn I just Somali hijacked my own words—pretty impressive Teddisho, you can now claim Teddy Fikre as your Somali victim #134::

OK, metaw—ere balegoch, I don’t mean metaw like that—I mean metaw as in I am back. Hold on though, if a particular lady reading this wants to help me to say the other metaw, please email me at info@browncondor.com (I can say this because the Brown Condor editor is out sick today because he ate bad yogurt last night…no really, her name was Strawberry Yogurt, I told him not to eat anything from strip clubs, now he sees why I say that.

Anyway, let me first delve into sports in honor of Bill Simmons aka @sportsguy33 on twitter. Here goes…

The Redskins just got the rights to Robert Griffith the III. That means we just became off season champions for the 8^th time in a row. Man oh man this fucker named Danny Snyder, he wins when it counts least more times than Nitro Ethiopians, beka Redskins are basically off season ejaculators, we have not nutted when it counts most since1991, I mean that is the longest drought ever second only to the drought that Nitro Ethiopians (who now goes by Ethiopianwiwi on Facebook) has been on since he last got ems, put it this way, Nitro is 47 years old, the last time he had pussy was when pussy had him. Ere, Teddy this is about sports nigga, can you stay on topic (editor just texted me from the shintibet while he was throwing up for the 10^th time today).

OK fine, anyway, Redskins, I fucking hate them, sigh…but I love them. Shit…hold on..this is what marriage is like…there you have it, Redskins are my wife, they give me headaches, they never give me some, they get me excited and then give me blue balls, and if I want to go see them, they take all my fortunes. What the Lebdeh, all this time I said I was never married, come to find out my burnt face is married to a Redskin. #YASAZENAL

Well, enough of sports, that shit just got me depressed and wanting to go back to King Kong tactics, I will just say “Esger Yibarkachew Redskins” and move forward to the question from my reader. Buckle your seatbelts ladies and germs and hold on to your QITS because you are about to laugh it off meto gena endegena eko!!

Q: Ante Woyane! Fuck you ante qemalam, I hit the lottery on Wednesday, the same day your Brown Condor Open mic poetry flopped, I won 50 pounds and now I bought 10 bottles of Neiva lotion, I am good for the weekend while your ass is eating Raman noodles and begging for coffee from DC Habeshoch! HA! I get the last laugh and the last arat netab this time ante agame! – Nitro Ethiopians aka Ethiopianwiwi, London (really Dubia) England

BC: Sigh! You broke back habesha fuck, you just don’t give up aydel. I thought for a minute about saying “Esgyer Yebarke” but I am making an exception, on Habesha Mailbag I will be meto gena King Kong Ape shit on folks that come at me with shitty comments and be nice as a lamb to those who wants to give me a gursha of beg tibs out of kindness. So with that said you bitch ass fucker, let me explain it to you this way. Again, you are 47 years old, you live with your mom in the basement, and not only that, you don’t have a job and all you do is “expose” Ethiopians world wide as being Woyane without proof. Fucker, you are Woyane yourself, this is what Woyanes do, and they call other people Woyane and divide the people in the process. I don’t doubt your ass is Meles Zenawi. Holly shit…it just hit me…YOU ARE MELES ZENAWI! It makes sense, he too is a broke back habesha who is importing products from the west (Neiva) to masturbate while dividing Ethiopia into a thousand pieces and starting wars with Eritrea and Ethiopia for no reason other than to give praise and glory to himself. FUCK YOU Nitro Ethiopians aka Meles Zenawi, soon enough you will run out of Neiva lotion and your as will be raped by the very same tactics you have been raping Ethiopia for the past 20 year. I am done with you, but keep emailing me Meles Zenawi, you are exposing yourself for the son of a bitch you are. Peace! Actually no peace to you, burn in hell. On to the next.

Q: Hi Teddy, I am submitting this to you for Habesha Mailbag. I want you to keep my name anonymous though because I know all the people I am about to talk about and they know me as well so I don’t want any drama in my life. If you want, you can call me Mimi from DC. Anyway I have noticed what you have been doing for the past couple of years; at first I thought you were a joke to be honest. Then after Ethiopian Appreciation Day, I stopped taking you as a joke and paid attention to you. Just when I did, you disappeared for almost two year, I am very happy you are back, I missed you a lot and I was worried about you. Here is my question though, I notice you go on and on about Hebret and you apply it fully. I have noticed you promoting and marketing every aspect of Ethiopian culture in DC and beyond. I can’t talk about what other Ethiopians are doing outside of DC, but it seems to me that the street called Hebret you walk on is a one way street. You promoted every promoter in DC and their parties including Yodit Gebreyes and Nate Enzo from Talk of Dc, Malik, Desta, Nate and Dawit and the crew from DC Habesha, Yohannes and Paul from Babylon, Neb, Meron, and DJGabe from Liv, Bsheba and AP, and on and on and on. I tried an interesting thing the other day and Googled each one of them, and low and behold, most of the time when I Googled them the first thing that comes up are your articles. You would think they would be grateful and promote you the same way but I have yet to see them say one kind thing about you or attend any of your events even as you stay promoting their events and showing up too. I see you going to Portico, at Park, at Teatro, at Shadow Room, at Mood Lounge, yet when you had your event at Bati not one of them attended and what’s worse, none of them tweeted or Facebooked about it. What really pissed me off was when you promoted the event that Beshou promoted on Tuesday and showed up to support. I noticed that she liked the comment you posted on your wall, something she never does when you post something and tag her on it, and was all hugging you when you showed up. But why did she not return the favor by at least doing the same thing about your event and telling her crew to come out. When I Googled “Shit that Habesha Girls Say” the first article that comes up is the one that you wrote about it and hyping her and Bernos up. But she has yet to help you out once. I swear what you are going through makes me angry and cry because I know what you are battling. Is it hatred, jealousy, or greed? What is it that has them this indifferent to you while you go out on a daily basis promoting them and helping them out? Brother please leave them alone they are not worth your energy or time, they are small minded individuals all of them, I read your post on Facebook where you said you will say “God bless you” to anyone that comes at you. Please please I beg you for once say “fuck you” to all of them and do your thing, you are wasting your talent on greedy assholes, and your talents are needed for a bigger cause. Stop eating Raman noodles, save your money, make more money and only work with people that want to work with you. Trust me, there are a lot of people in our community who love what you do and support you unfortunately, it is the vocal minority of assholes who get the attention and spotlight in our community. Please stop kissing the asses of people who don’t care about you. Stop promoting them, stop going to their events, stop writing about them, one day they will see your true value and be pissed off that they refused to get on your train while you were still offering seats on the train station. Berta wendem Teddy, God bless you, and I mean that in the nicest way! –Mimi, Silver Spring, MD

BC: Damn, this was too heavy. Let me take a cig break to think on what you said, TQE <- TQE = BRB = Tinish Qoyiche Emetalew

OK, metaw. Look, I hear what you are saying “Mimi”. To be honest, I am not about to sit up here and say I don’t feel like you, or at least I used to feel like you. I have been doing this since really 2008 and it feels like I keep hitting myself against the same brick wall of indifference. Shit, this is one of the reasons that I succumbed to depression twice in four years, each time pissed off that I keep doing things for people—my own community—and in return getting nothing but indifference or worse yet straight up hatred in return. But I have learned over time that when you give expect nothing time in return. That way, when you do get something—no matter how small the return is—you are happy instead of expecting the same level of HEBRET you give and end up being pissed when someone gives you less than you gave them.

And to be honest, it‘s not like I don’t get anything back when I write about all the people you mentioned above and then some. You see, each time I write about Yodit, Nate, Malik, Bsheba, or anyone else, their network notices. When they Google their names, if my article is the first thing that pops up, it is my website they go visit first and notice all the other things that I do. So, even if I am not given HEBRET willingly, they give it to me by default. Beshou’s video about “Shit Habesha Girls Say” is DOPE more than I can describe, but guess what, I have gotten over 12,000 hits to www.browncondor.com since I first posted it. So it works both way, I help her get thousands upon thousands of hits on that youtube clip, and in return, when random people search “Shit Habesha Girls Say” on Google, it is my article they are directed to first. Thus, HEBRET is a two way street because I have gotten this viral marketing down to a TEE like a scientist, one way or the other—actively or passively—my community is helping me even if some talk shit about me.

But let me give you the other side of the equation; most of the people you mentioned up top, they are in—one way or another—my friends even if they don’t proclaim me to be as such in public. Like for example, Malik, Nate, and Solo, when I go to Portico, have given me more advice and kindness than you can imagine. You know each time I go and apologize for my King Kong ways, it is because the DC Habesha crew took the time to counsel me and told me to tone it down. They also feed me when I have no ends and give me free drinks when my pockets are full of lent. When I need legal counsel, it is Nate Enzo that I turn to and he provides it for free—you see Nate has a plan, he is in law school and has a lot on his plate, I am not about to begrudge him for not attending my events when he is overwhelmed with law school. When I need some hookup in DC or advice about how to market a particular idea, I turn to Yodit and she provides her services for free.

And don’t get me started about Neb and the LIV crew, Neb is my brother for real. This guy is so knowledgeable that talking to him is a blessing. He is I think 13 years younger than me, but 40 years wiser than me. He never drinks but has a blast wherever he goes—to be honest, I am secretly jealous of him; I wish that I did not have to drink to have a good time too. Whenever I go to his events, he lets me in for free; he has invited me to his table and given me shots before I ask. And more than that, he talks to me without judging me, he provides critiques of my techniques without being critical, he has nothing but well wishes for me. When I had the National Eskista Day, Neb was there when I got there and the whole time—instead of being with his girl—he was giving me advice about how I should go about making National Eskista Day more successful. The only reason he has not formally signed on to one of my events and collaborated with me to this point is because I am all over the place and do things on the fly. Neb is not like that, he is a planner first and a doer after. So if I want to work with him, the onus is on me to be more effective and to be more thoughtful on planning my events instead of the onus being on him—you feel me Mimi? Trust me, I am not an idiot or a martyr, I do what I do because it benefits me to.

Besides, there is a part of this equation that I need to acknowledge where I blame myself for their indifference. If I go around rocking boats with my King Kong ways, and in the process piss off hundreds of people, I cannot sit up here and make it seem like I am an innocent victim that no one wants to work with aydel? Look, they are all entrepreneurs—DOPE ones at that—they are not interested in the same things I am. I am not a promoter to make money, I am in this game to shake Habeshas to the core and get us to think and act differently and to help each other more. They have parties where folks come out to have a good time and forget about their troubles? Even at my “celebrations” I don’t let people leave without a message of what I am trying to accomplish. Maybe they are leary of associating their brands with my brand because their brand is about making people have a good time for a couple of hours whereas my brand is to make people think and support their own community before they spend $200 a night supporting Yohannes Aramaji. So Mimi, let them do their thing and let me do mine, there is a space and a place for both to exist aydel?

So I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are finding articles upon articles that I write on the first page of Google, I did not do it by myself, I did it with willing or unwilling collaborators who either believe in Hebret or provide it without knowing it. Don’t judge them from the outside because you don’t know the whole story, it’s not really fair because I get judged by hundreds if not thousands of Habeshas without them knowing me either. But in due time, these folks will come to my event, these folks will tweet and FB about my celebrations, and in due time, we will all be millionaires and celebrate together. If not, I can’t focus on what other people are not doing for me because that has and will continue to derail me and have me end up in depression again. I will focus on expecting nothing and when I get something…trust me…I will be the first one to tweet and Facebook promote them for believing in Hebret. Until then, let me leave you on this note:

Shit that this Habesha Guy says: “dir beyaber ambessa yaser!”

Now I just need 999 dirs like me, Mimi are you my second dir yene dear? I think you are…eshi beka no more heavy shit eko, this is supposed to be funny eko::

Q: You are such an asshole! You don’t think people know what you are doing you fake ass Ethiopian? This bullshit Hebret you keep talking about is nothing more than a way for you to use people for your own purposes by squeezing them dry of their juice. And you wonder why no one supports you! We are on to you you son of a bitch! –Selam, Washington, DC

BC: Ummmm….Esgyaber Yibarkish ehete::

Q: Teddiye, sema, this is kind of sensitive area. So yene boyfriend, he wants to have Qit sex, what should I do? Isn’t that considered sodomy? Should I do it to make him happy? I am afraid if I say no he will break up with me and I don’t want to lose him, I love him a lot and I don’t want to be by myself. What do you think I should do? –Anonymous, New York, NY

BC: Be’sma’am! O_o. Ok let me delve gently into your sensitive area (by the way, that is the only way to delve into that particular area, delve gently). Anyway, mejemerya, I hope to God that your boyfriend wants to be the quarterback and not the receiver eko: Huletenya, never do anything that makes you “uncomfortable” for the sake of a man. The minute that you start compromising yourself for the sake of appeasing a man, you are fucked in the ass (literally and figuratively). So my advice to your Qit is to tell him straight up that you are not down with that and if he is not happy with your ems becha, tell him to get the ems out and holler at me eshi. Trust me, you will not be by yourself just because you refused to have Qit sex, I see your pics on Facebook and you are METO GENA beautiful and your QIT is sexy I don’t blame your boyfriend for wanting to make love to your Qit eko: Anyway, like I said, only do that if you want to not because he demands it eshi? And if you do, ummm, I don’t know, maybe melt some kibe in z microwave and use that to give him gursha…gebash Eshi anche Qitam, good luck eshi, if I see you walking funny next time I see you, well I will know what you were up to aydel::

Q: No one told you to involve/invite yourself in a subject that doesn’t pertain to you! Moreover…when you clicked on this status update to comment on it…to whom’s page is it attached??? MINE! Therefore, don’t feel so free to render your opinions and such when I am CLEARLY not talking to or about YOU!!! Pardon my blunt expression but it is what it is! #NowSaySomethingElse! – Genese Luciana, Atlanta, GA

BC: Ohhh.. I get it boo boo, you are from ATL right? I mean you were born frustrated and bitchy because the ratio of men to women down there is like 1:10, but the ratio of straight men to women is like 1:100,000, which means there are only 18 straight guys in the whole of ATL! Sigh! You are frustrated, pissed off, angry, hurt, and most of all horny right? I got you I got you, this was not an attack on me, it was combination of PMS and being a damn near virgin. YASAZENAL! I am sorry boo boo, if you were nicer to me, I could have flown you to DC with my Brown Condor jet boo boo and gave you a sample of King Kong Fikre’s banana…instead you just defriended me eko:: I bet you this gets back to you in about 30 minutes, when it does, you can email me at info@browncondor.com eshi? Peace::

PS check out Genese, she is cute, has a big forehead just like Habesha setoch, gen unlike Habesha setoch, Genese’s tutos are betam tiny, I mean they are not Titis you got there sis, they are more like wiwis, you arch your back and yet in still all i see are small bumps the size of kolo eko:: MTS

[click to send Genese a FB Friend request or email her at geneseluciana@gmail.com]

When you contact her, let her know that Brown Condoriye, aka Teddy, aka Teddisho said hi boo boo:: Ummmm I said I will give up King Kong tactics except when I am doing Habesha Mailbag eko, seriously read above if you don’t believe me eshi back to the emails…

Q: Teddy I will make a deal with you, the only way you will meet me is if you sign a notarized contract that says you will never ever go King Kong on me with the penalty being that you sign over Brown Condor to me if you ever do. Do we have a deal? –Habesha Chic, Silver Spring, MD

BC: Wey gud! So let me get this straight, you want me to sign a prenup that will have me give you all I own if I don’t do as you say, you give me a headache all the time, you tried to get all my friends to defriend me on Facebook, and on top of it all, you never have sex with me. What the Lebdeh! You are my mist, you are my wife?? Holly shit, now it makes sense why once a month you flip out completely on me and went as far as to get Brian Moran to defriend me (I have a funny feeling that he will regret that decision when he decides to run for statewide office in 2014 and he has to meet the wrath of me). Gen back to you yene mist, wow wow, now you know why I say that marriage is bullshit most of the time, you and I are married and you have yet to give me your ems anche leba tibs. Damn, I wish I was married to anonymous from NY, at least then she would give me some ems tibs (wow really nigga ems tibs smh) even if she won’t give me some Qit Qita (really Qit Qita smh twice). You yene mist, you won’t give me ems tibs nor Qit Qita, and you wonder why I am over here eating some Raman noodles, sigh, I feel like Mimi from Silver Spring : (

Q: You dropped ze gursha before it go in my mouz! –Habesha Mazer aka @habeshamazer from twitter, somewhere in zese United States

BC: Ere gud! Are you talking about z gursha I am talking about? “before it go in my mouth” wow…ende, so did you have to blast me on twitter…errrr I know I came a little early eko:: But come on sister, ende menew endeze blast taderginyalesh eko? And and gize eko gursha setbeye ende su now, ahun for example, wonder dabo sebela, kibe yemetal before wonder dabo sebele, endesu sehon, I just wipe it up with injera and feed myself. Ere berche ena stop tweeting about me eshi::

Q: Teddisho, what do you think Teatro is going to be like for Kady’s birthday party? –Neb Foto, Washington, DC

BC: Nebicho, really son you are asking me this question. Why not ask me next how I think Hallie Barry looks like, how the megeb at Bati Restaurant is, or whether or not I think that Mahmoud Amhed is METO GENA DOPE! Seriously the answer is self-explanatory eko:: Teatro tonight will be bananas, forget my King Kong or MOSSAD tactics, tonight I will be on Teatro tactic and I will be the biggest player on the Teatro stage—errrr scratch that—Kady will be the biggest player on Teatro stage and I just hope to get next to her for one brief moment so that God could bless me with her aura and her beauty and bless my soul with her infectious smile and make me put down my King Kong tactics for good as a result of the sunshine that is Kady.

Kady sweetheart, happy birthday and melkam lidet, once you told me that Bee Taye is your cousin I realized at that moment why you are the way you are. The whole family from Bee Taye, Sharon, you and your sister is a blessing, y’all might as well change your last name to Tsebel because I swear you are cleanse away the ugliness of the world with your collective smiles. Oh also, when you get there, look out for Neb Foto, he is the one outside with the headphones on, a real kind soul, I swear he is the nicest promoter in DC—I mean nice as in a kind soul and nice as in that nigga is nice with it, the DOPEST promoter since Jesus promoted being nice to your neighbor. Trust me; Neb and Kady are neighbors you want. Time for a shameless plug, I am the second nicest promoter in DC—by that I mean nice as in nice with it, however I am working on being “nice” as in cleansing my soul from anger at folks who are not nice with me….work in progress!

So sewoch, beteseboch, family and friends—everyone—come out tonight to Teatro 1909 K St NW on the corner of 19^th and K St and get ready to be blessed with Kady’s aura, Neb’s spirit, and Brown Condor’s humor By the way, ask for Neb or tweet him on twitter @nebfoto and I am sure he will take care of you like a nice neighbor he is. If you so feel inclined, tweet me @browncondor and I will try to take care of you too, maybe give you a gursha of my DOPE Raman noodle laced with mitmita and awaze:: Dena deru and see you at Teatro eshi! Peace

Q: I have an idea! I am thinking of an invention, what do you think of this? I am thinking of inventing a work out machine that focuses on the calf muscles, basically you step on it and Guraginya musika comes on and you are forced to jump up and down 2,000 times while a Guragaye guy stands behind you with a big dula! I am going to call it Guragaye Step Machine. What do you think Brown Condoriye? –Kady, Washington DC

BC: Oh oh, we are getting close

Q: Hey Teddy, I want my $100 son, I am a DOPE poet and more than that, I have 1,500 followers on twitter and thousands more on Facebook. I am the Art commissioner in Alexandria. I can get you black balled from any (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) ugggg sorry I have narcolepsy I keep falling asleep while typing. But like I was saying, I can get you black balled from any event in DC as I want. Just give me my (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) what was I saying? Oh right, I want my money you dirty promoter aka #Jankypromoters, just give me my (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) what, where am I, what was I saying, who are you, what is my name… (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) –Shelly Bell aka @iamshellybell on twitter, Alexandria, VA

BC: Getting even closer

Q: Ante fucking Woyane, I just ran out of my 10^th bottle of Nivea, ebakeh wendem, eski Paypal me $20 so I can get 10 more, you talk about Hebret all the time, eski Hebret lene seten so I can go back to…ummmmm…massaging my arthritic penis. I promise if you give me $20, I will never call you Woyane, I can be bought easily eko, I am after all Woyane, and we are made to be bought. So what do you say, let’s bury the hatchet so that I can bury my dick in some Neiva and let me have a good time berase eshi wendem? –Nitro Ethiopians aka Ethiopianwiwi on FB, London (but really Dubia) Enland

BC: Yuppers! These sewoch are my readers eko::

If you liked this article, please post it on your wall and encourage others to send in questions. The Habesha Mailbag’s most vital component is the questions provided by the readers. As you see, my responses are better the longer and detailed the questions. I mean, don’t go writing a book, just make sure it is approximately a paragraph and it gives a good insight into the situation, and if you want, make sure you apply some humor to it eshi::

If you want to submit questions going forward, please send them to info@browncondor.com with subject header “Habesha Mailbag”. Do me a favor, tweet about this on twitter right now, tweet the link to this article and use #HabeshaMailbag and encourage others to read this joint. Who knows, maybe one day #HabeshaMailbag could be a trending topic—yeah I know I have an audacious mind. Also, make sure you post this on your Facebook wall—all about the Hebret. OK, time for a break, hope you enjoyed. Have a great weekend, catch you next week on Habesha Mailbag 9.0. Degmo tweet @habeshamazer and ask her how her arthritic uterus is going and tell her that @browncondor say alo and to unblock me if she wants me to stop joking on her . Anyway, Esger Estelene sewoch!

FEATURE EVENTS

[click to RSVP to the second edition of Brown Condor Open Mic Poetry night...this time with a VERY Special VIP guest in attendance]

[click to party with beautiful Kady and League of Infinite Vision (LIV) Crew at Teatro, be a player on the Teatro stage tonight too eshi]

submit your name at the website above and party for FREE, nesa, minamin, nah what i mean man?

[Cake Cake Cake and its even your birthday Kady, now where is that candle at again?]

[now lets do this old school Addis Ababa Bole way Kady, Happy Birthday to ya! haaapy biiiirthday!]

AUTHOR

McTEddy O’Fikre

[click to view profile]

[click pic to follow us on twitter or follow us @browncondor]

To get in touch with us, send email to info@browncondor.com

@iamshellybell BC Radio Bernos Beshou Gedamu Brown Condor Brown Condor Productions browncondor Bsheba Ethiopia Habesha Mailbag 8.0 Habesha Mazer Kady LIV Malik Desta Nate Nate Enzo Neb Foto Shelly Bell Shit that Habesha Girls Say Talk of DC Teddy Fikre Yodit Gebreyes

Mägabit Ibdness!

66 days

by teddyfikre in Uncategorized

First place winner gets 40% of pot, second place winner gets 20% of pot, 3rd place winner gets 10% of pot; rest of dekama bracket fillers will get one piece of shembera!

by Teddy Fikre written: Tuesday/Wednesday 2:00 AM, March 14th, 2012

You are like what! What the hell is Teddisho talking about now aydel? Mägabit Ibness, what the hell is that degmo. Well let me explain it to you without too many words (no 3 page article tonight I am betam dekemen eko::) Anyway Mägabit Ibness is my yetesebere tebtaba way of taking the literal translation of March Madness and applying it to my community eko:

Now you ask what is March Madness. Well March Madness is the NCAA men’s basketball tournament that literally transfixes the national attention on basketball for a couple of weeks. Starting Thursday, no other national pastime enjoys such a wide participation by both men and women as literally over 100 million people take part in office pools while filling out brackets and hoping to win their office pool.

So I figure, if it is so fun for ferenjis, and I know meto gena (100% yeah get used to it I am intent on meto gena being the new meto be meto) that Ethiopians also take part in these very same office pools. So as I was driving back from Portico on 9th St (check it out it is a DOPE place to chill and smoke hooka) I was like “wonder what would happen if Ethiopians and Eritreans had their own office pools dedicated to our community.” Then I was like “hold on…that is a meto gena fly idea, get on it ante Medosha Foreheadiye”…So I came home and decided to type this article.

So this is how the Brown Condor Mägabit Ibness competition will work. Click on the picture below to fill out your bracket. Then click on the paypal icon to submit a payment, each bracket you submit will be $5.00. Then you can follow the outcome of the games and get an update of who is in first place on a game to game basis. Oh you can also talk trash the whole time and in the process get to meet all kinds of new Ethiopian men and women friends. Come on, admit it, this is a DOPE idea aydel? First place winner will get 40% of pot, second place winner will get 20% of the pot, 3rd place winner will get 10% of the pot and the rest of the dekama bracket fillers will get one piece of shembera! SBS

OK, we have one day to make this happen because the games start on Thursday, share this link on your FB wall and tweet all about this on Twitter by embedding this article and encourage all your friends and family to take part and see if we can get 400 participants in Mägabit Ibness NCAA bracket competition! You in, GEBACHEW? Let’s go, fill out your brackets below, submit your payment through paypal and watch the Mägabit Ibness begin!

“Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.” ~ Tim Duncan

[click to fill out your brackets]

Pool Password: Brown Condor

When you get to the website, it will ask you for the pool password, just enter the password -> Brown Condor (case sensitive), fill out your brackets, then sit back and have a blast on the Brown Condor Mägabit Ibness! Keep in mind that you will have to create an account on CBSsportsline.com but doing so is a simple 3 step process and all of your info is kept in confidence by CBS Sportsline (meaning I can’t spam you with future emails lol Now let’s have FUN, go fill out the brackets (oh yeah pay the entrance fee by clicking the paypal line pic below ($5.00 for each bracket you fill) tehn have a blast METO GENA! Let’s GooOOooO sewoch! If you have any issues registering or have any questions, email me at info@browncondor.com and use “BC Basketball” as the suject header.

[click paypal pic to pay entrance fee, remember $5.00 per bracket filled out, you can play without paying but you will not be eligible for pool money winnings]

[click to see your shinning moment]

[click to see how you will be celebrating when you win Mägabit Ibness!]

FEATURE EVENT

[come out and celebrate with the first ever Brown Condor Open Mic Poetry at Bati tonight, click to RSVP]

AUTHOR

Teddy Fikre

[click to view profile]

[click pic to follow us on twitter or follow us @browncondor]

To get in touch with us, send email to info@browncondor.com

Addis basketball Bati Lounge BC Radio Brackets Brown Condor Brown Condor Open Mic Poetry Night Eritrea Ethiopia Falls Church Luther Vandross Mägabit Ibness March Madness NCAA Basketball One Shinning Moment Paypal Virginia www.browncondor.com

UP

70 days

by teddyfikre in Uncategorized

Thanks again for being the guiding light to my mornings and providing me with my shtick to write about for an eternity::

by Teddy Fikre written: Saturday, March 10th, 2012

You know what I love more than anything in world? One word–GEEKS! That’s right, forget girls with their big breasts and their big old foreheads—especially Ethiopian women—it’s GEEKS that spin the globe on their finger and blow on it like a Zephyr wind and make that shit spin a million miles an hour counterclockwise. These are the wise people in our midst that make gravity drop to zero and blow holes in the ozone layer. From their foreheads they emit so much steam that they literally cloud up Grey Hound bus windows and force the drivers to take off their shirts to wipe off the windows in order to see and drive straight. Damn Skippy GEEKS are cool and meto gena DOPE, they were rediculed in high school and never given attention by beautiful girls with A- cup tits, but now that they are grown up Geeks breast feed from DD breasts and nourish their collective memories from the mammories of DOPE ladies world wide.

It is with this in mind that I turn my attention to one particular GEEK in my midst by the name of Chris Hayes this particular morning. You see, Chris is a man on a mission, rather he is a GEEK on a mission. Oh, it’s not hard to tell that Chris is a GEEK, shit he wears the part and plays the part perfectly. Turn on MSNBC Right now and you will see him in his nondescript GEEK glasses looking like Clark Kent on HD TV. What a perfect backdrop, Clark Kent on TV yet when he speaks, he becomes all Superman and proceeds to burn our cornea and snap our synapses with his DOPE intellect and his keen insights. This is the shit of legends and giants, men like Chis Hayes is a legend and a giant in his own time, and here I sit watching him and applauding his gargantuan efforts as I though he is a prodigal son returning from GEEK land–BRAVO!

Let me tell you a bit about this GEEK named Chris Hayes. Christopher L. “Chris” Hayes (born 1979) is an American broadcaster, journalist and liberal political commentator. Hayes hosts Up with Chris Hayes, a weekend news and opinion television show on MSNBC. Hayes had formerly been a frequent guest host and commentator on shows such as The Rachel Maddow Show and The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell. Hayes remains an Editor at large of The Nation. On August 1, 2011, MSNBC announced that Hayes would host on Saturdays and Sundays a two-hour morning show, each going into depth on current issues. The first airing of Up with Chris Hayes was September 17, 2011and featured a live interview with former Speaker and current House minority leader Nancy Pelosi.

See what I mean? I told you Clark Kent, aka Chris Hayes, is a GEEK in Superman’s outfit. His outfit–Up with Chris Hayes—is the DOPEST thing on TV since Obama gave his speech in 2008 called “Yes We Can”. Oh right, time for the prerequisite shamless self plug–I Teddisho wrote three lines in that speech even if I was not given credit by Obamizzle for it. Anyway, back to the topic at hand, Chirs Hayes the man with the nerdy glasses and the sharp wit to boot. Man oh man how I am captivated by his show on MSNBC every Saturday and Sunday from 8:00 AM to 10:00 AM EST. Chris has some of the most intelligent and articulate guests on his show to discuss trending topics and current events. Fuck Twitter, Chris Hayes is the Tweet that trends and sets trends every weekend from his host desk.

It is my life’s aspiration to be invited on his show to discuss trending events from an Ethiopian perspective. There are over 400,000 Ethiopians who reside in these United States, isn’t it about time for us to stop being invisible citizens and have our voices heard? Yo homie Chris, send me an email to teddy.fikre@browncondor.com and invite me to your show; I might not be as Geeky or Supermany as you, but trust me I bring my own sharp mind and my smarmy retorts to boot to keep your audience amused and bemused concurrently. Let me fly with your crew and I promise you Chris I will get 30,000 Ethiopians to tune into “Up with Chris Hayes” and tweet about you on twitter for days and days. I write this ode to you and hope that it somehow snaps the synapses of your producer so they can call me for next weekend’s taping of the next episode.

Until that time comes, I shall continue to be amused and bemused by you at Chez Teddy and hit rewind on my DVR 55 times to listen to your keen insights and your guests’ intellect. I know one thing, if I look up in the sky later on today and see a dude flying through the ether wearing a grey suit and nerdy glasses, i will know meto gena (100%) that it is Chris Hayes soaring to save some hapless kitten stuck in a tree in DC. Thanks again for being the guiding light to my mornings and providing me with my shtick to write about for an eternity. Ethiopians world wide, please check out Chris Hayes every weekend from 8:00 AM – 10:00 AM and tell him I said tadias by tweeting him @chrislhayes and @upwithchris. Peace!

“I think I’ve been able to fool a lot of people because I know I’m a dork. I’m a geek.” ~Gwen Stefani

[click to view Chris Hayes debunk bullshit Republican talking points]

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As you are aware of any businesses or promoters who are in any way affiliated with ESFNA One, please email info@browncondor.com and let me know their company name, phone number, email, and another relevant information. Please keep in mind that this boycott/strike is against Companies and not individuals. This website does not support any actions taken to injure specific people who might be affiliated with ESFNA One. The only person who will be specifically called to the carpet and has been is Al Amoudi, and I have done sufficient enough time dressing him back into his butler uniform. So as you send me the emails, please only mention companies who are affiliated with ESFNA One and not specific people. Forward the names of these companies to me as you find them and I will eviscerate their business model one by one and teach them not to sleep with Ebola infected hyenas. Ena Meseginalew!

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Teddy Fikre

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BC Radio Brown Condor Chris Hayes Clark Kent CNN Eritrea Ethiopia Geek host MSNBC Rachel Maddow Superman Teddy Fikre the Nation Up with Chris Hayes Washington www.browncondor.com

Habesha Mailbag 7.0

71 days

by teddyfikre in Uncategorized

Habesha Mailbag 7.0

Habesha mailbag has become the most popular item on Brown Condor. I kind of figured that would be the case once I got my readers involved::

by Teddy Fikre written: March 9th, 2012

Man oh man, it’s about that time. My email inbox is flooded like the Moses era and it look like Brown Condor is the only ark around. For now no cover charge sewoch, gen soon enough I will start being greedy eko:: Anyway, step on in, I will let all females in for free in the front with me but the dudes will not be allowed in the cockpit, there is only one cock allowed in the cockpit and that would be mine, gen there is more than enough room for my big foreheadiye setoch.

Anyway, I will have to admit, I am still hungover from partying last night with this stripper named @smartstripper at Stadium last night. Put it this way, I made it zinab nefka and birrs all night last night, hopefully @smartstripper will not be pissed off that the 10,000 nafkas I gave her is really worth $1.05. buahahahahah Never trust Ethiopians and Eritreans I say, especially Guragayes Now…since I am still hungover, I am about to Somali pirate some shit from last week…here goes!

Now, before I delve into this kaka topics, let me first give a shout out as I always do to my man, the inspiration behind Habesha Mailbag, none other than Bill Simmons. Now this is where I cut and paste the homage from last week because my etats are about to fall off from all this typing. Call this “Habesha Energy Conservation. Ready? Bill Simmons is the reason I started Habesha Mailbag, to be honest, I am taking the whole format from Bill, I guess you can say that I Somali Pirate hijacked his style, but hey, if you think that Bill did not Somali Hijack someone else’s style, just keep in mind that his webpage is called www.grantland.com and Grant was the name of a famous Sports reporter from Boston, so you see, all things come full circle and piracy after all is not such a bad thing—as long as you acknowledge who you pirated from and in return pave the way for a future Sports Guy or Brown Condor. Damn I just Somali hijacked my own words—pretty impressive Teddisho, you can now claim Teddy Fikre as your Somali victim #134::

Now before I go too far into the question and answer sessions, I will take a small moment to put on my sports pundit hat in honor of Sportsguy33 himself. Eshi, let me get to the sports section:: Ready? Here goes::

OK, I’m done Somali hijacking myself from last week. Now this is me putting on my sports pundit hat sewoch:: I proffer the following points:

The team that will win the ESFNA soccer contest—nah son not that Al Amoudi backed bullshit KKK convention in DC but the real one in Dallas—will be the Washington DC team. How ironic, the DC team will be attending the real ESFNA soccer tournament while a bunch of KKK woyane boot licking Arab dick sucking Habesha sellouts will be at RFK stadium clapping and tap dancing for that Arab boot licking sellout named Al Amoudi. #IRONIC! Anyway, Dallas will come in second because Ethiopians in Dallas have adapted to the humidity and can run in split pea soup like as if they were named Abebe Bekile! Damn it’s humid in Dallas! How humid? It’s soooo humid that Ethiopian women leave a bowl of raw chicken, shinkurt (onions) and mitmita on the window sill in the morning and by lunch time they have doro wot ready to eat!! Now that’s humid!

OK, on to z mailbag eko::

Q: Ante woyane asshole, do you have a bottle of Neiva to spare, ebakih eski seten ante Satan! –Nitro Ethiopians aka Ethiopianwiwi, Dubia

BC: Sigh! You again you bitch made fuck. Damn you are persistent! Dude you jerk off more than a 12 year old 7^th grader. Seriously son, you are 47 years old nigga, how many more sperm you going to kill in your kalsi ante dummy! Anyway you broke back habesha, keep it up you hear, you are a great foil and you keep people laughing at your dumb ass for days. PS open z window, your bed room in your mom’s house smells like the dressing room of Stadium night club. Yuuck you are disgusting, ugly, 5’4” and you look like Meles Zenawi. Now wonder your bitch ass is still a virgin leka.. POOF! Done with you, on to the next!

Q: Yo Teddisho, who are the top 5 most beautiful Ethiopians/Eritreans in DC? –Ellal, Philadelphia, PA

BC: Oh man, now this is a betam arif question Ellicho! Let’s see, here is my list::

1) Teddy Fikre (whatever I am placing myself first)

2) Brown Condor (yup I’m arrogant with it)

3) Bati Restaurant in Falls Church (yup I’m a self promoting asshole always)

4) Listen Vision (again self promoting my new radio show on Listen Vision starting next Thursday at 9:00 PM at -> http://listenvision.com/index.html

5) Meron Alemayehu @iammeron on twitter (ummm number 5 changes on a minute by minute basis until I find the one that will take my last name….you best believe that if Meron becomes Meron Fikre she will be number one on this list

Q: Teddy yo nigga, you are one of the smartest dudes I know. Seriously, if you took more time focusing on the positive and working towards channeling your energy on building instead of reverting to your King Kong bullshit ways, you would be filthy rich and successful like no other. It’s your choice, have other people laugh at you as you continue to lash out at unknown trolls or have the whole world bow down to you as you make a difference of consequence. Your choice, choose wisely. –Nate the Governor Tilahun, Washington DC

BC: Damn, you are right Natzo, I know I am my own greatest enemy eko:: Some shit that I am working through, maybe pain from my childhood, maybe cause I miss my father Fikre or cause I miss my mother Sara. It’s cool though, this is what happens when one lives his/her life as an open book on Facebook and Twitter. But you are meto gena (100% I said it) right on this my nigga, I need to channel my energy towards the positive and avert my eyes from the odium that hateful trolls throw my way. I know the plight of those who climb ladders is that for every notch they climb, there will be assholes clutching at their ankles to pull them back down. I am learning my nigga, I am learning. See you tonight at Portico and tomorrow at Mood Lounge on 9^th & L st NW. Peace!

Q: Dude I am very disappointed with you Teddiye! We had a four hour talk two weeks ago and it seemed that you were making progress. Then I go away for one weekend to NY and I come back to see you reverting back to your bullshit ways cussing out women and saying some of the most vile and disgusting things. Yeah yeah I know you were just responding to their hatred with your King Kong and Mossad bullshit techniques. What am I going to do with you Teddy, you are a hard head, should I just give up trying to save you from yourself? –Mike Endale (BLEN) Washington, DC

BC: OK OK…yikirta eko! I get what you and Nate are telling me eko Mikee! I will change cause my King Kong tactics are getting older than a 40 year old irgo and a 36 year old Habesha ehet! (buahahahah whatever you both laughed at that shit, and this does not constitute King Kong or MOSSAD tactics, I will always laugh no matter what beunet. Anyway, just sit back and watch me and see if I don’t change my ways meto gena and if I mess up hit me with a kirkum like my father Fikre (RIP) used to eshi!

Q: Brown Condor please, just go fuck yourself. Lmao! –Tehetna G. aka @tihitnaxoxo on twitter, Chilies near you

BC: What the fuck did you just say you…oh..right right Mike and Nate…you are watching me aydel? Sigh, why the hell did this big foreheadiye not post that email to me before Mike and Nate did?? That way, I could have blasted her gebena forheadiye and then listened to the advice of Mike and Nate and changed my ways! Sigh! You are lucky meto gena Tehetna, you just escaped my King Kong fists from pummeling you on Facebook and twitter and in the process would have placed your name on first page of Google! Thank Mike Endale and Nate Tilahun and friend them on Facebook yene hode, they are the angels that saved you from the wrath of Teddisho for sho!

Q: Who broke my gebena? – @Habeshamazer on twitter somewhere in zis United States

BC: I don’t know habesha mazer yene gebena foreheadiye! Do you mean who broke my gebena as in your forehead?? Do you mean yene gebena as in your pot you make buna in? Or do you mean your gebena as in your p___y aka someone just took away your virginity?? Ende, how can that be you have children eko:: Unless you are the virgin Mary in which case ehete, I am betam sorry and I will start praying to you and following you on twitter. DOH! I can’t cause you have me blocked. But guess what nefse, I bet you this come back to you in the next 20 minutes…ready, get set, go! Imagine, all you have to do is unblock me on twitter and follow me and maybe even send me a tweet and you will no longer be my foil eko:: Until then, every week, I will take one of your tweets and make you the butt of my jokes…and trust me you have a big old butt, most Ethiopian women after z age of 35 have QITS the size of Bole and Asmara combined. Wey gud Habesha QIT, when yall sit around Merkato, you literally sit your asses around Merkato! Buahahahahh lol

[click pic to see Habesha Mazer the Mazer of all Big Foreheadoch and follow her on twitter @habeshamazer[

Q: Teddisho, boy please! My mother was former Miss Ethiopia. Rated one of the most beautiful! Don't hate –Rekik Netsanet, @Rekikye on twitter Washington DC

BC: Ummmm TQE which means BRB ie Tinish Qoyich Emetalew, let me check to see how DOPE you enat is…

[click to see who this beautiful woman gave birth to]

Ummm you are right Rekikye your mom is DOPE than Google! Wey gud, in zis case the shenkora did not fall far from z shenkora tree! Your mom is meto gena beautiful! Wow look at her forehead, I can see in it the thought of Eyesus! My gawd, she is beautiful just like you, you know what though, even though my mom was not Miss Ethiopia, Sara Shewangizaw was just as beautiful as your mom eko:: Check out her picture below

[click to see who this beautiful woman gave birth to]

Q: Is your status about Eritrean pronouncing words with an HHHHH and Nafka political or are you just making fun of Eritrean accent? – Anonymous, Vancouver, BC

BC: My God anonymous, are Eritreans always so flipping sensitive?? Damn yall got your own country, your own money, your own flag, your own language and your own borders mish? So why are yall more sensitive than a 40 year old Habesha woman like @habeshamazer going through meno pause!?! I mean damn, take a minute to pause and just chill meto gena eko:: Seriously, I joke everyone including Eritreans, and whatever I have a scar of Eritrea on my wrist so that makes me Eritrean mish? Now chillax and give me hamushto!

Q: With respect to your offer to take me out for a date and jug o’ wine Teddisho, unfortunately z answer is NO, gen I love you boo! –Hanna Tadesse, (BLEN) @hannatadesse on twitter Washington, DC

BC: Sigh, what else is new boo boo, you always say NO to Teddisho! Why do you think I call you HanNO! Dag, you say no more than @habeshamazer says no when guys ask her for her qutur. But I can see why Habesha Mazer says embi, I mean she is 40 years old, going through meno pause, her uterus has arthritis, and she is the mozer of Jesus Christ the second. What is your sebib anche cocob? My god, eko, you are betam selective. But don’t say no too much, in a few years boo boo you might be z age of Habesha Mazer eko:: anyway I love you too boo boo…I am having Dominos Pizza deliver pizza to you ahun::

Q: Hi, I’m Teddy! –Samuel Getachew, Toronto, Canada

BC: Sigh! What did I tell you about using Brown Condor intellectual property ante lij? Keep it up you pork kitfo eating Canadian, I will get my Falasha attorney to sue the pants off your ass! Or is that Habesha kemis you are wearing at zis moment! Anyway, be warned my nigga, I am about to give you z Al Amoudi treatment very soon ante Addis Leba of Canada!

Q: Well the article does hold some truth (#Obama2012) .The Back bone of US policy does involve the semi destruction of many nations and they extend beyond Africa, to South America, Asia as well as some eastern European nations. However not all the dealing…s are conducted and or result with the same diabolical plot and action. The US will deal with virtually any and every national affair there is to be dealt. So to simply assess US’s stance toward Africa and the rest of the world as that of Lucifer is somewhat unreasonable and reasonably insane. As for the tears of your readers, I don’t think they care who is behind the whole thing. A torture child in any other name is still a torture child. We could sit here and boggle over the head of the food chain that supported the man who led the man who trained the man who went to town and tortured the children. They cry for what they saw. Would they forget tomorrow? Sure. So does a person who goes to the funeral of someone they know and cry his heart out only to be at a bar a few days later and moving on with life. That is not crocodile tears by definition but rather a simple way of life. Joy and Pain, Sunshine, and Rein. But I did like the article none the less. –Nebyu Fekadu Sesero, nebyuf@yahoo.com, Somewhere on this planet

BC: Nuff said! You are DOPER than Google!

Q: Puhleeeeeze! (with respect to #Obama2012 article). Douglas Reimel, doug.reimel@gmail.com, Rockville, MD

BC: Now this is the opposite of Nebyu’s feedback, you are lamer than @sarahpalin, let me guess, you are a beautician and you are originally from Atlanta boo boo. Sigh! What oh what do they put in Atlanta water? I am never ever ever ever going to drink ATL water, one sip and it will turn Teddisho into Teddra! EEN!

Q: Hi Teddisho, I am thinking about zis invention, let me know what you think eshi nefse! My idea is to patent a triangular hat that Habesha women can wear when it is windy. Zat way, when they are walking into the wind, their foreheads will be aero dynamic instead of acting like a sail of a ship! What do you think of this DOPE shit! –Fana at Devine, Alexandria, VA

BC: Ut oh! We are getting close…

Q: Hi Teddisho, I am a 45 year old Habesha woman, I tried to sign up for twitter to follow you @browncondor but Twitter rejected me with an error message that read “Sorry, you have been denied because your uterus has arthritis”! I am betam meto gena pissed off, can you start a campaign to protest twitter, especially since this month if Woman’s History Month! – Habesha Mazer aka @habeshamazer on twitter, somewhere in zis United States.

BC: Getting even more closer…

Q: Hi Brown Condor, I ran out of my 20^th bottle of Nivea for this week and my mom will not give me more allowance so I can’t buy any more bottles until next Saturday, ebakihe ante woyane, can you please start a “Brokeback Habesha Nivea Hebret” campaign so I can have enough birr to buy 20 more bottles that will last me the rest of the night? –Nitro Ethiopian aka Ethiopiawiwi, Dubai

BC: Yuppers! These are my readers eko::

If you want to submit questions going forward, please send them to info@browncondor.com with subject header “Habesha Mailbag”. Do me a favor, tweet about this on twitter right now, tweet the link to this article and use #HabeshaMailbag and encourage others to read this joint. Who knows, maybe one day #HabeshaMailbag could be a trending topic—yeah I know I have an audacious mind. Also, make sure you post this on your Facebook wall—all about the Hebret. OK, time for a break, hope you enjoyed. Have a great weekend, catch you next week on Habesha Mailbag 8.0. Degmo tweet @habeshamazer and ask her how her arthritic uterus is going and tell her that @browncondor say alo and to unblock me if she wants me to stop joking on her . Anyway, Esger Estelene sewoch!

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Author

Teddy Fikre

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[click pic to follow us on twitter or follow us @browncondor]

To get in touch with us, send email to info@browncondor.com

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ere Mela

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Habesha Mailbag 8.0

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Habesha Mailbag 7.0

Habesha Mailbag 7.0

Habesha mailbag has become the most popular item on Brown Condor. I kind of figured that would be the case once I got my readers involved::

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