Essence of DOPE
Posts tagged Eritrea
Ethiopian Masturbation
330 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
Sad thing is that when the time comes to have my eulogy, I will be most remember for “Ethiopian Porn: and “Ethiopian Masturbation”::
by Teddy “Clean Hands” Fikre dated: Thursday, April 19th, 2012
Weeellll! Look what we have here. Gebu gebu beteseboch! Gin majermerya, take off your shoes, and your indignation, and relax your heavy and furious breathing eko:: Nah, this is not what you think, the title was just a tantalizing bait I dangled in front of you knowing that hundreds of people who ignore my ARIF articles would jump at this cat nip seizing a chance to once and for all destroy my character and marginalize and disconnect me once again from my community. Well, you should know me by now eko, you know all things I do are calculated—hell, I am a better calculator than Texas Instruments.
Now that I have gotten your attention, go ahead and sit to down and take a sip of your buna from Starbucks (who by the way was using extracts to color their Frappuccino as they exploit enat Ethiopia and sell it colonized Ethiopians in America who would rather purchase their coffee from Starbucks instead of supporting an Ethiopian owned and operated buna bet by the name of Sidamo Coffee and Tea. Imagine, Ethiopians would rather masturbate in a Sodom called Starbucks instead of supporting one of our own by the name of Sidamo—ohhhh…now you see what this article is about eko, this is in fact about masturbation of the different order.
This is an article of a collective masturbation as we stroke our collective g-spots to the border of Hades as we continue giving up our G-notes to corporate interests instead of reinvesting our hard earned money in our own community.
But let me take it a step further. Let me break down why our community is in fact a collective of masturbaters who are intent on destroying our collective aspirations and the dreams of our children with our selfish and narrow self-interest ways. I have written over 2,000 articles in my lifetime—over 500 since 2008 about Ethiopia alone. I have written about the beauty of Ethiopia, the history of our people, our customs, our art, our food, and our culture. And I won’t lie, my articles are read by a massive following even if most people refuse to comment on my articles for fear that I will (more…)
Brownify
232 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
Colonialism in Ethiopia goes by the name of Spotify, soon enough Liberation in Africa will go by the name of Brownify::
by Teddy (liberated) Fikre dated: Tuesday, April 17th, 2012 (still colonized Ethiopia)
Breaking news!! I am on Facebook a lot—actually I once had Mark Zuckerberg send me an instant message asking me if he could use my face as the face of Facebook. Alas, I turned him down because I do not sell my bilicho beautiful smile to corporate interests. Anyway, that is neither here nor there (I guess this is what people mean when they say I am all over the place when I write but I know my writing style keeps you meto gena (100%) tuned in. Back to the topic at hand, I often see people’s updates on Facebook scrolling on my news-feed with things like “Bekele Betekekek is now listening to “Talk that Talk” by Rihanna on Spotify. Each time I see this I am aghast and annoyed concurrently.
Why am I aghast and annoyed concurrently you ask? It’s because these people are my “friends” on Facebook and 80% of them know that I have an internet radio station called Brown Condor Radio where I not only play Rihanna (all of her songs) but I mix her songs with a DOPE fusion where I intertwine Teddy Afro with T.I., Mahmoud with Tupac, Tilahun with Drake, Muluken with Michael Jackson, Kuku Sebsebe with K’naan and much much more. There is no other place on the internet that has as much diversity and fusion of so much soulful music as Brown Condor Radio. Why do you think I called it “the Essence of DOPE!”, I mean do you think I go around proclaiming unfounded truths the way www.nazret.com does by claiming they are the number one Ethiopian website in the world when they are actually more like number 5?
Anyway, I would gander to say that 95% of Habesha people in DC know who I am. I would say 50% of Habeshas on the East Coast of the United States know who I am. Put it this way, my name recognition in my community has gone from 0 in 2008 to massive in 2012—Teddy Fikre is branded like Orville Redenbacher even if the majority of the people have a negative impression of me at the moment. But let’s forget Teddy Fikre, let’s focus on this concept. You are well aware that there is a radio station available on the internet for FREE. You are well aware that this radio station is owned and operated by an Ethiopian—your own people. You are well aware that this radio station plays Ethiopian and Eritrean songs. So tell me again why you are not at least tuning in to give it a try instead of boasting that you are listening to Spotify or Pandora?
Seriously, people call me crazy for pointing out the obvious—that Ethiopians and Eritreans are colonized. Imagine Ethiopian jegnas 120 years ago—if they had Facebook back then—updating their Facebook status with the following: (more…)
USA! USA! USA!
132 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
I love America for this, she truly is the shining city on a hill top—a beacon of hope for those in the world who don’t have it::
by Teddy “Agot Sam” Fikre dated: Tuesday, April 17th, 2012 (RIP victims of 9-11)
Hot damn! Life is magical and serendipitous. I woke up today greeted by a malicious email by this Habesha in England named Atse Tewodrose II (click here for profile) who told me I was “an Ignirant looser”. Thus, I thought I had found my muse and was going to write an article titled “Ignirant looser”. Inspired as I was by a British Habesha gnome, I took a shower, made my morning coffee at Chez Teddy, and then hit the road to work as I listened to Brown Condor Radio in my car.
As I was about to cross the 14th Street I looked up in the dusk skies and I see a plane on top of a plane flying across the horizon. I blinked twice and thought that maybe I put too much sugar in my coffee. What! Is that! Nooooo! OMG, is that the space shuttle on top of another plane? I was lost and befuddled; I almost crashed my Altimaye trying to take a picture of the space shuttle as it disappeared into the ether. I was disappointed and dejected, I lost out on my opportunity to post a picture of what I witnessed on Facebook and Twitter and boast about how DOPE my life is because of the things I experience. Parenthetically, Facebook and Twitter are robbing us of our most tender moments—no longer are moments memories to hold dear, they are moments to blast on Facebook and Twitter to exemplify how narcissistic we are as a people.
Having missed my chance to be the number one parasitic narcissist in the DMV, I started pondering how I could blast that Habesha fool who crossed the wrong side of my synapses and I was having a mystical time thinking up ways to snap his back. Then all the sudden I see a man standing on top of his car right before the 14th street Bridge. Then all the sudden I see traffic (more…)
Confession vs. S.T.F.U
033 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
As cowardly as cheating is, it is that much more cowardly to confess your wayward ways to the person you love::
by Teddy Fikre dated: Monday, April 16th, 2012
This article is inspired by my fraternity brother Robert Sinclair and a dear friend Yealemget Mimi who understand my perspective and are part of the enlightened crew. Conversely, this article was also inspired by ignorant people like Kevin Williams and Pamela Adams Johnson who are bible thumping assholes who are quick to quote the bible without understanding the essence and meaning of the words they stutter as if they were rabies infected hyenas going through a vicious convolution induced by turrets syndrome. I thank both the enlightened crew and the bible thumbing turrets syndrome hyenas for inspiring this article.
Now that I have gotten the preface out of the way, let me ask you a hypothetical question. Let’s say that you cheat on your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend, what do you think is the right thing to do. So that you don’t think this is a topic that is purely hypothetical to me, I will let you know that I have cheated on my ex-girlfriends and even my fiancée on multiple occasions. I am a man—I am a weak man who is seduced and induced to act on my passions with almost any woman that walks my way click clacking her triangular and titular circle in front of my drooling mouth. Each time I have committed a felonious act by cheating on my significant other, others have told me to come clean and to confess to her and let the truth be my guiding light. I have never acted on these imprudent counsels from my friends and family. Every pernicious act I have taken in the past has been kept close to my vest and my chest and I have NEVER told my girl that I cheated on her.
Now, some of you will accuse me of being a blatant liar and for being a troll who does not care about the love of my life. Me, I see it differently, because I understand that confession of my transgressions to the girl that I love is not for her, that confession is to calm my own guilt ridden turbulent conscience. I am not excusing the act of cheating; cheating is a sign of weakness and cowardice. Cheating is the very face of the devil; those who cheat are assholes who (more…)
Shit Habesha People Say:: GENOCIDE
035 days
by teddyfikre
in Uncategorized
I hope you are enjoying the slow stroll down Genocide Avenue, please don’t complain about the white man ever again, it is us who are destroying Africa eko::
by Teddy Fikre dated: Saturday, April 14th, 2012 (RIP Ethiopia)
I am writing these words out of despair and from a boulevard named Distress. I see the vast potential in our community, but it is latent and impotent, we are not important because we refuse to believe in HEBRET and ANDINET. I see it everywhere I travel, greedy promoters who throw Johny Walker sponsored parties with pictures of Ethiopian queens splashed across their flyers looking like whores and sluts that they transposed from Google image and used their image without their consent while refusing to work for a common purpose to celebrate our culture in the light of God instead. I see it in Ethiopian business people who keep turning their backs on their community and refuse to use their power and might to organize our people. I see it in churches who continue to splinter and fracture to start their own church while refusing to come together as one for the sake of Esgyaber. I see it in bullshit political parties who continue to form one party after another based on bullshit acronyms using “Liberation Front” as a front to a mafia criminal undertaking to take over power in Ethiopia. I see it in us, assholes who go to Starbucks and give their money to the rapers of Ethiopia instead of buying their buna from Sidamo Coffee and Tea–an Ethiopian owned establishment located on H St NE DC. And I am the one labeled “IBD” for pointing out this disease called Habesha aydel?
I can go on and on for a million words, but let give you a vivid example by comparing and contrasting two videos on youtube.com. The first one is called “Shit that Habesha Girls Say” and I know the person who put it together, she is an AMAZING woman who has been breaking her back for Ethiopia and has an amazing t-shirt company called Bernos. This lady is Beshou and I am a fan of hers, she produced this video to take a break from always doing unrecognized efforts to spread the message of Ethiopia throughout the world one tweet and one FB Status at a time. So I hope you don’t take this Beshou as an affront on you, I am not coming after you, I am coming after people who have clicked this video (more…)