I struggle with the idea of fulfilling that dream—whether I am doing it for my parents or for myself.  I am torn between the two aspects because I am caught in between two dreams.

by Shewit Kidane  written: Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

Growing up our parents instilled a lot of nationalism for our countries for either Eritrea or Ethiopia. I can recall wearing itchy Eritrean sweaters that said freedom 1991.  I remember growing up to be proud of where I come from and my parents used to tell me things about my history and said they wanted us to be leaders and go back and use our knowledge to build back in my mother country.  I remember my mom touching her heart every time I tried speaking tigrinya as a child and my dad grabbing me from outside at Habesha parties to dance with him.  I remember around my country people that I was allowed to feel really comfortable and that I felt a sense of community in the diaspora.

My mom would tell me that I had a bigger responsibility beyond myself—that I had the duty to help others.  Some could say that my parents were instilling in me what some refer to as a “generous racist” trait—wishing the best for ourselves and for communities.  I remember my mom said she wanted me to be a professional and wanted all of us to go back home and teach our people so we could rise up.  I learned the war—or the conflict—was not about colonialism; if that was the case, after we won against our opponent, we would have turned around and fought against ourselves.  Instead, it was a deeper conflict to forge our own identity after decades of being forced to assimilate.  This is why we do not forget who we were and are today and why we traveled this road. 

I always wonder if there was no famine or war in Eritrea and Ethiopia, where the two nations would be at today.  What would my life be like not only for myself but for the people back home?  I have cousins and family who I love dearly in both places, cousins and family I would love to see every day.  What if there was peace and I could see all my family in both Ethiopia and Eritrea whenever I wanted.  Think about it, I would be able to drive cross-country trips to see them for weddings and festivals at my choosing without having to worry about consequences.  I would not feel lost or disconnected living in the diaspora, instead I would be home and feel at home. 

What if my life could have been that way by a turn of events in history?  Do I owe anything to my parents or myself?  Should we establish ourselves here benefiting a society that abuses the opportunities bestowed to us by the sacrifices of our parents?  Or do I complete the dream and go back home as my mom and dad originally wanted?  I mean, why brag about “independent nation” and saying you are Eritrean or Ethiopian while having such blind pride, yet your not willing to go back home and turn pride into action.  What is the point of all that pride if it ends up into nothingness?  I always said that I would go back on only on the condition that all of us in the diaspora would go back too. 

I used to say that because I felt like I had nothing in common with people back home and that I would feel like a foreigner in my own country.  But after the recent Eritrean immigrants refugees fleeing from Adena. I learned that we liked the same things and had the same dreams and goals, but just differed in opportunity’s given to us. So ask myself always should I complete the dream and go back? I wonder how most habesha people outside their homelands feel?

Its funny because some people are so prideful yet they  are repulsed at the idea of living in a third world country—even if that “third world” country is their own. I wonder if the dream of my parents will ever happen or are we bound to dream walk in the Diaspora for an eternity.  If not for ourselves, we owe it to our parents to complete the dream/plan and fulfill our duty.  I struggle with the idea of fulfilling that dream—whether I am doing it for my parents or for myself.  I am torn between the two aspects because I am caught in between two dreams.  I want the wife kids and family and chill 9-5 job, take my kids to play sports andhelp them with their homework.  At the same time I feel a duty to my people to look out for more than my selfish dream. 

I have love for my people because of my up bringing in the community and the way my people in my community raised me to be me.  I mean I have aspects that I detest, I hate that some Habesha people are all in our business and talk so much shit that it clogs toilets in Addis and Asmara.  But that is besides point.  In our culture we have a very “socialist” family upbringing; we honor our parents wishes and take everyone into consideration. On the other hand, we are in this liberal society and we are taught to be individuals and do what makes us happy.  This presents a cognitive dissonance, we are taught to be one way yet we clash with what western society tells us to do. 

So it is with all these contradicting ideals that I ask you a question.  If their was peace in Eritrea and Ethiopia, would you go back to your ancestral homeland and teach and create business and schools?  Would you use your opportunity for yourself or would you use your opportunity to empower your brother and sisters?  Do you feel responsible for your parents our grandparents dreams or do you feel responsible for only your dreams?  We always talk about building Africa to be a super power; what if you had the chance to contribute and turn that vision into reality—would you be a part of the movement? What if we attempted to do just that, to start off in Eritrea and Ethiopia and then spread it to the rest of Africa.  Think about it, instead of investing in other companies, we would you invest in ourselves and our nations.  This is my Habesha Dream, I wonder if I will wake up to a new world.

“Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” ~Robert Frost

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Shewit Kidane

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